CONVERSATIONS
Senator Clinton: “We should all be proud of Governor Sarah Palin’s historic nomination, and I congratulate her.”
Reporter: “Senator, are you aware that Governor Palin called you a whiner a couple of months ago?”
SC: “That Witch.”
SC: “I thought she said winner.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Senator McCain, are you aware that Governor Palin once supported ‘pork barrel’ legislation that you oppose?”
John McCain: (slight chuckle) “Yes, I know that.”
JM: “I kid her and tell her that she’s my own personal…
JM: ‘Bridge to Nowhere.’”
JM: “Wait! That doesn’t sound right.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Governor Palin, is it true that you oppose making the polar bear an endangered species?”
GP: “ Absolutely! I am tired of nanny governments…”
GP: helping those who should…
GP: help themselves.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Now that I picked Governor Palin, maybe people will finally understand.”
JM: “I am a strong advocate for women.”
JM: “Just as long as they leave their issues at home.”
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/30/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Define the human tragedy in one sentence.”
JT: “That’s simple. I can do it in three words.”
JT: “I want more.”
JH: “Define the human tragedy in one sentence.”
JT: “That’s simple. I can do it in three words.”
JT: “I want more.”
Friday, August 29, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/29/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “ Did McCain really choose Sarah Palin for his running mate?”
JT: “Yes, he bypassed Mitt the Unfit and Traitor Joe.”
JH: “I saw him grabbing his throat at the press conference.”
JH: “What was he choking on?”
JT: “His claim that experience is important.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Overheard at the grocery store)
First Lady: “Yes, it was a nice convention, my dear, but I can’t vote for Obama.”
Second lady: “Why on earth not?”
FL: “Because, he’s, you know.”
FL: “Because he’s, he’s, he’s.”
SL: “Hawaiian?”
FL: “Yes!”
CONVERSATIONS
JM: “It is time for Obama to leave his temple and get real.”
Reporter: “Senator, that was not a temple. It was a mock up of the West Wing.”
JM: “I’m John McCain and I get confused a lot.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I don’t think it was so bad that Rudy the G. showed up at the Democratic Convention.”
JT: “But did he have to wear that Hero of 9/11 tee shirt?”
JT: “He wasn’t just wearing it.”
JT: “He was selling them.”
JH: “No way.”
JT: “Yep, a booth just outside the exit.”
JH: “ Did McCain really choose Sarah Palin for his running mate?”
JT: “Yes, he bypassed Mitt the Unfit and Traitor Joe.”
JH: “I saw him grabbing his throat at the press conference.”
JH: “What was he choking on?”
JT: “His claim that experience is important.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Overheard at the grocery store)
First Lady: “Yes, it was a nice convention, my dear, but I can’t vote for Obama.”
Second lady: “Why on earth not?”
FL: “Because, he’s, you know.”
FL: “Because he’s, he’s, he’s.”
SL: “Hawaiian?”
FL: “Yes!”
CONVERSATIONS
JM: “It is time for Obama to leave his temple and get real.”
Reporter: “Senator, that was not a temple. It was a mock up of the West Wing.”
JM: “I’m John McCain and I get confused a lot.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I don’t think it was so bad that Rudy the G. showed up at the Democratic Convention.”
JT: “But did he have to wear that Hero of 9/11 tee shirt?”
JT: “He wasn’t just wearing it.”
JT: “He was selling them.”
JH: “No way.”
JT: “Yep, a booth just outside the exit.”
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/28/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “The press was really happy with Hillary’s speech the other night?”
JT: “I wasn't.”
JT: There was something just a little off – that didn’t ring true.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “It’s hard to explain, but I compare it to a movie I recently saw – ‘Momma Mia.’”
JT: “Hillary’s speech was like Obama Mia,
JT: with the emphasis on the ME-a.”
JH: “The press was really happy with Hillary’s speech the other night?”
JT: “I wasn't.”
JT: There was something just a little off – that didn’t ring true.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “It’s hard to explain, but I compare it to a movie I recently saw – ‘Momma Mia.’”
JT: “Hillary’s speech was like Obama Mia,
JT: with the emphasis on the ME-a.”
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/27/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Cindy McCain is going to Georgia?”
JT: “Yes, on a last ditch diplomatic mission,
JT: in the area of her particular expertise.’
JH: “You can’t mean!”
JT: “Yep. If the Russians withdraw quickly,
JT: free Budweiser at the border.”
JH: “Cindy McCain is going to Georgia?”
JT: “Yes, on a last ditch diplomatic mission,
JT: in the area of her particular expertise.’
JH: “You can’t mean!”
JT: “Yep. If the Russians withdraw quickly,
JT: free Budweiser at the border.”
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/26/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: - "I won't do it!”
JT: “I don't care what anybody says, I'm not going to do it!”
JT: “I won't! I won't!! I won't!!!"
Barbara: "Jim, you have no choice.”
B: “You have to get older."
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Jim, have you heard?”
JH: “McCain is seriously considering Lieberman for his running mate.”
JT: “Great! I can see their campaign slogan now.”
JT: “If you want government on the cheap,
JT: come to Traitor Joe’s.”
JT: - "I won't do it!”
JT: “I don't care what anybody says, I'm not going to do it!”
JT: “I won't! I won't!! I won't!!!"
Barbara: "Jim, you have no choice.”
B: “You have to get older."
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Jim, have you heard?”
JH: “McCain is seriously considering Lieberman for his running mate.”
JT: “Great! I can see their campaign slogan now.”
JT: “If you want government on the cheap,
JT: come to Traitor Joe’s.”
Monday, August 25, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/24/08
CONVERSATIONS
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “Was it St. Augustine who said, ‘In all things be moderate?’”
JT: “I think so.”
JT: “But I’m more into the guy who said that we have two choices in life.”
JT: “We can be moderate…
JT: or we can be interesting.”
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “Was it St. Augustine who said, ‘In all things be moderate?’”
JT: “I think so.”
JT: “But I’m more into the guy who said that we have two choices in life.”
JT: “We can be moderate…
JT: or we can be interesting.”
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/24/08
CONVERSATIONS
TV AD: “I want to cut taxes for the wealthy.”
TVA: “Outlaw abortions.”
TVA: “Allow more oil derricks along our coastlines.”
TVA: “Stay in Iraq for another one hundred years.”
TVA: “ And go to war with Iran, North Korea and Russia.”
TVA: “I’m John McCain, and I approve this message.”
TV AD: “I want to cut taxes for the wealthy.”
TVA: “Outlaw abortions.”
TVA: “Allow more oil derricks along our coastlines.”
TVA: “Stay in Iraq for another one hundred years.”
TVA: “ And go to war with Iran, North Korea and Russia.”
TVA: “I’m John McCain, and I approve this message.”
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/23/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I don’t care what they say, she is not 16.”
JH: “You mean He is not 16.”
JT: “No, I mean she is not 16!”
JH: “She is He.”
JT: “What? They cheated about that too?”
JT: “I don’t care what they say, she is not 16.”
JH: “You mean He is not 16.”
JT: “No, I mean she is not 16!”
JH: “She is He.”
JT: “What? They cheated about that too?”
Friday, August 22, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/22/08
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “In my wife’s house are many mansions.”
JM: “If it were not so...”
JM: I would have told you.”
JM: “But I just forgot.”
John McCain: “In my wife’s house are many mansions.”
JM: “If it were not so...”
JM: I would have told you.”
JM: “But I just forgot.”
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/21/08
CONVERSATIONS
President Bush: “Relax, people.”
Bush: “Putin is no threat.”
Bush: “I looked into his eyes again at the Olympic beach volleyball game.”
Aide: “But sir, he was wearing sun glasses.”
President Bush: “Relax, people.”
Bush: “Putin is no threat.”
Bush: “I looked into his eyes again at the Olympic beach volleyball game.”
Aide: “But sir, he was wearing sun glasses.”
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/20/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I see where the Jew-hating, Catholic-hating, Kerry-hating, racist, pseudo-author Jerome Corsi has a new book out.”
JH: “Yes, in this one he trashes Obama.”
JT: “I also see where he is aligned with ‘Political Cesspool.’”
JH: “The right-wing radio program?”
JT: “No, the people who published his book.”
JT: “I see where the Jew-hating, Catholic-hating, Kerry-hating, racist, pseudo-author Jerome Corsi has a new book out.”
JH: “Yes, in this one he trashes Obama.”
JT: “I also see where he is aligned with ‘Political Cesspool.’”
JH: “The right-wing radio program?”
JT: “No, the people who published his book.”
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/19/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Way back when he started, someone should have given Bush the same advice…
JT: that Robert Downey Jr. gave Ben Stiller in ‘Tropic Thunder.’”
JH: “What’s that?”
JT: "Never go full retard."
JT: “Way back when he started, someone should have given Bush the same advice…
JT: that Robert Downey Jr. gave Ben Stiller in ‘Tropic Thunder.’”
JH: “What’s that?”
JT: "Never go full retard."
Monday, August 18, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/18/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Hard to believe, Jim!”
JH: ‘Julia Child was a spy during WW II?”
JT: “Yes, she worked for the OSS.”
JH: “In what capacity?”
JT: “Cooking up schemes.”
JH: “Hard to believe, Jim!”
JH: ‘Julia Child was a spy during WW II?”
JT: “Yes, she worked for the OSS.”
JH: “In what capacity?”
JT: “Cooking up schemes.”
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/16/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Have you read the new best seller by Douthat and Salam?”
JH: “What’s it called?”
JT: “’How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream'.”
JH “So what is this Republican dream?”
JT: “Protect the rich and screw everybody else.”
CONVERSATIONS
Starbuck’s thoughts
JT: “Either boob job doctors are getting rich or…
JT: we are in the midst of a great evolutionary change.”
JT: “Have you read the new best seller by Douthat and Salam?”
JH: “What’s it called?”
JT: “’How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream'.”
JH “So what is this Republican dream?”
JT: “Protect the rich and screw everybody else.”
CONVERSATIONS
Starbuck’s thoughts
JT: “Either boob job doctors are getting rich or…
JT: we are in the midst of a great evolutionary change.”
Friday, August 15, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/15/08 Extra
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Mind you, I’m not saying China’s love for Bryant is over the top.”
JT: “But when someone hung his picture next to Chairman Mao.”
JT: “I heard a Chinese girl poke her boyfriend and say..
JT: who’s that short fat guy next to Kobe.”
JT: “Mind you, I’m not saying China’s love for Bryant is over the top.”
JT: “But when someone hung his picture next to Chairman Mao.”
JT: “I heard a Chinese girl poke her boyfriend and say..
JT: who’s that short fat guy next to Kobe.”
Nobody Daily – 8/15/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I am sick of it! Just tired of it!”
JT: “Sick and tired of what?”
JH: “”Of television commercials that repeat themselves – several times a show.”
JH: “Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
JT: “Stay thirsty my friend.”
JH: “I am sick of it! Just tired of it!”
JT: “Sick and tired of what?”
JH: “”Of television commercials that repeat themselves – several times a show.”
JH: “Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
JT: “Stay thirsty my friend.”
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/14/08 Extra
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you see where Jerome Corsi, the Swift Boat author, has a new hit-job book out that savages Obama?”
JT: “I saw it. Piece of trash.”
JH: “The book or the writer?”
JT: “BOTH!”
JH: “Did you see where Jerome Corsi, the Swift Boat author, has a new hit-job book out that savages Obama?”
JT: “I saw it. Piece of trash.”
JH: “The book or the writer?”
JT: “BOTH!”
Nobody Daily – 8/14/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Eco-nuts? Come on, Jim!”
JH: I know you are not an eco-terrorist, but…”
JT: “You’re mostly right!”
JT: “I live clean.”
JT: I drive clean.”
JT: “But I eat dirty.”
JH: “Eco-nuts? Come on, Jim!”
JH: I know you are not an eco-terrorist, but…”
JT: “You’re mostly right!”
JT: “I live clean.”
JT: I drive clean.”
JT: “But I eat dirty.”
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/13/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Enough is too much!”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “We stayed at a new-age bed and breakfast last weekend.”
JT: “All we ate was
JT: organic food,
JT: and edible flowers,
JT: served by eco-nuts.”
JT: “Enough is too much!”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “We stayed at a new-age bed and breakfast last weekend.”
JT: “All we ate was
JT: organic food,
JT: and edible flowers,
JT: served by eco-nuts.”
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/12/08
CONVERSATIONS
POLITICS
President Bush: “I understand your concern, President Saakashvili.”
PB: “Of course you are our friend.”
PB: “But in my administration we have this saying:
PB: “A friend in need…
PB: “Is not all that good a friend.”
POLITICS
President Bush: “I understand your concern, President Saakashvili.”
PB: “Of course you are our friend.”
PB: “But in my administration we have this saying:
PB: “A friend in need…
PB: “Is not all that good a friend.”
Monday, August 11, 2008
Nobody Daily 8/11/08 - extra
CONVERSATIONS
John Edwards: “I think this speech is one of my best.”
JE: “How does this sound?”
JE: “Work with me to create an America that is moral, honest and just.”
Campaign advisor: “Sir, the National Enquirer is going to break the story of your affair.”
JE: “Oops! Scratch moral!”
John Edwards: “I think this speech is one of my best.”
JE: “How does this sound?”
JE: “Work with me to create an America that is moral, honest and just.”
Campaign advisor: “Sir, the National Enquirer is going to break the story of your affair.”
JE: “Oops! Scratch moral!”
Nobody Daily – 8/11/08
CONVERSATIONS
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JT: “You can believe in a moral code,
JT: or you can run a health insurance company.”
JT: “But you can never do both.”
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JT: “You can believe in a moral code,
JT: or you can run a health insurance company.”
JT: “But you can never do both.”
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Nobody Daily - 8/9/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “The greatest musical number in a movie? Let’s see.”
JH: “It’s got to be Gene Kelley doing ‘Singing In The Rain.’”
JT: “What about Michelle Pfeiffer in ‘The fabulous Baker Boys?’”
JH: “You’ve got to be kidding. All she does is squirm all over the top of a piano looking sexy.”
JT: “I rest my case.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Michelle Pfeiffer? Come on, Jim.”
JH: “You don’t even know what song she sang.”
JT: “On top of that piano it didn’t matter what song she sang.”
JT: “She was busy ‘Making Whoopee.’”
JH: “The greatest musical number in a movie? Let’s see.”
JH: “It’s got to be Gene Kelley doing ‘Singing In The Rain.’”
JT: “What about Michelle Pfeiffer in ‘The fabulous Baker Boys?’”
JH: “You’ve got to be kidding. All she does is squirm all over the top of a piano looking sexy.”
JT: “I rest my case.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Michelle Pfeiffer? Come on, Jim.”
JH: “You don’t even know what song she sang.”
JT: “On top of that piano it didn’t matter what song she sang.”
JT: “She was busy ‘Making Whoopee.’”
Friday, August 8, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “So, after this year, no more softball in the Olympics.”
JT: “Yes. They voted to eliminate it and keep manure-throwing.”
JT: “That way the world’s political leaders…
JT: can continue to participate.”
JH: “So, after this year, no more softball in the Olympics.”
JT: “Yes. They voted to eliminate it and keep manure-throwing.”
JT: “That way the world’s political leaders…
JT: can continue to participate.”
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Does all this identity theft bother you Jim?”
JT: “Not really.”
JT: “If I start to worry, I always think back to what Othello said.”
JT: “He who steals my purse…
JT gets a lot of maxed-out credit cards.”
JH: “Does all this identity theft bother you Jim?”
JT: “Not really.”
JT: “If I start to worry, I always think back to what Othello said.”
JT: “He who steals my purse…
JT gets a lot of maxed-out credit cards.”
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/6/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I’m telling you, Jim, it’s a conspiracy.”
JT: “James Patterson has a monopoly on American fiction.”
JH: “You’re being an alarmist.”
JT: “Really, check this out.”
“American Pasture” by James Patterson and Phillip Roth.
JT: “Or this.”
“Empire Is Falling” by James Patterson and Richard Russo.
JT: “I’m telling you, Jim, it’s a conspiracy.”
JT: “James Patterson has a monopoly on American fiction.”
JH: “You’re being an alarmist.”
JT: “Really, check this out.”
“American Pasture” by James Patterson and Phillip Roth.
JT: “Or this.”
“Empire Is Falling” by James Patterson and Richard Russo.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/5/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you read that Dick Cheney and John Woo got their inspiration to torture from Jack Bauer?”
JT: “I know. It’s pathetic.”
JH: “Come on, Jim. You like Bauer too.”
JT: That’s different.
JT: “For me, “24” is a guilty pleasure.”
JT: “For them, it’s a documentary.”
JH: “Did you read that Dick Cheney and John Woo got their inspiration to torture from Jack Bauer?”
JT: “I know. It’s pathetic.”
JH: “Come on, Jim. You like Bauer too.”
JT: That’s different.
JT: “For me, “24” is a guilty pleasure.”
JT: “For them, it’s a documentary.”
Monday, August 4, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/4/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “44 last Thursday.”
JT: “55.”
JH: “61 Friday.”
JT: “76.”
JH: “163 over the weekend.”
JT: “345.”
JT: Face it Jim.”
JT: “My e-mail is bigger than yours!”
JH: “44 last Thursday.”
JT: “55.”
JH: “61 Friday.”
JT: “76.”
JH: “163 over the weekend.”
JT: “345.”
JT: Face it Jim.”
JT: “My e-mail is bigger than yours!”
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Nobody Daily 8/2/08
Nobody Asked me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “We need to end this recession!”
JM: “We need to win this war!”
JM: “We need to decrease oil dependency!”
Reporter: “Specifics?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
JM: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
Reporter: “Sir, according to experts from both campaigns and independent analysts, Obama’s proposal is a reduction in government revenue over 10 years. In other words, a tax cut.”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Admit it Obama, you were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “You were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “Wrong about the surge!”
Reporter: “Sir, were you wrong when you assured us that our adventure in Iraq would be fast, produce little American ‘bloodletting’ and ‘be paid for by the Iraqis’?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “We need to end this recession!”
JM: “We need to win this war!”
JM: “We need to decrease oil dependency!”
Reporter: “Specifics?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
JM: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
Reporter: “Sir, according to experts from both campaigns and independent analysts, Obama’s proposal is a reduction in government revenue over 10 years. In other words, a tax cut.”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Admit it Obama, you were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “You were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “Wrong about the surge!”
Reporter: “Sir, were you wrong when you assured us that our adventure in Iraq would be fast, produce little American ‘bloodletting’ and ‘be paid for by the Iraqis’?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Friday, August 1, 2008
THAT’S LIFE 8/1/08
THAT’S LIFE
John McCain: “Obama’s playing the race card!”
JM: “It’s not fair!”
JM: “It gives him a big advantage!”
JM: “He should have to campaign in white face!”
John McCain: “Obama’s playing the race card!”
JM: “It’s not fair!”
JM: “It gives him a big advantage!”
JM: “He should have to campaign in white face!”
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