Tuesday, November 11, 2008
November 11, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “How many tours did your brother do in Vietnam?”
JT: “Four. He was on his third when he set a world record in the high jump.”
JH: “What world record?”
JT: “He rappelled down from a helicopter to check out a cave,
JT: found a python waiting,
JT: jumped back into the helicopter,
JT: didn’t even use the rope.”
(Thanks Pat, for going above and beyond. You are amazing – and not just for the high jump. With love, Jim)
Monday, November 10, 2008
November 10, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Obama is going to the White House today, and I don’t get it.”
JH: “How can he make nice with a man he criticized so strongly?”
JT: “Simple, he is just following the first rule of politics.”
JT: “Never let your actions today be controlled by…
JT: the words you spoke yesterday.”
Sunday, November 9, 2008
November 9, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “The election has been over for five days, Jim, why are you still smiling?”
JT: “I’m thinking of all the bigots and creationists,
JT: all the neos and social reactionaries.”
JT: “They must think that the Reagan revolution of 1980 has turned upside down.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “They must have awakened on November 5 thinking that…
JT: it was mourning in America.”
Saturday, November 8, 2008
November 8, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I see where Mayor Villaraigosa is in the news again.”
JH: “He is certainly a political climber.”
JT: “That he is! I can’t decide which Shakespearian quote fits him best:
JT: ‘much ado about nothing’
JT: or…
JT: ‘ambition should be made of sterner stuff.’”
Friday, November 7, 2008
November 7, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
Mormon Leader: “Yes, we spent big in favor of Proposition 8.”
ML: “The truth is not discrimination.”
ML: “If God wanted gay marriage,
ML: He would have allowed them to wear Holy underwear.”
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Daily Nobody 11/5/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Last night,
JT: as I saw state after state turning blue,
JT: I was proud to be a Democrat.”
JT: “But when I saw Barack Obama walk on to that Chicago stage,
JT: I was proud to be an American.”
30
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Daily Nobody - 11/4/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I had an interesting dream last night.”
JH: ‘What about?”
JT: “I was back teaching and they immediately elected me president of the teacher’s union.”
JH: “Why so quickly?”
JT: “Simple. I had a winning slogan.”
JT: “There are no bad teachers….
JT: just bad kids!”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “No bad teachers, Jim? You don’t really believe that.
JT: “Of course not, but it got me elected.”
JT: “Would I have won with my real slogan?”
JT: “Merit pay….
JT: or on your way!”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Anything else in your dream?”
JT: “Not much. The principal fired me. Then I woke up.”
JH: “Why did he fire you?”
JT: “Time management.”
JT: “It was October 20, and I was supposed to be on page 92.”
JT: “But the kids were enjoying page 91 so much….
JT: that I gave it an extra day.”
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Nobody Daily – 11/2/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Have you been following BBC lately?”
JH: “They have this thing going on happiness.”
JH : “Psychologists have even come up with a formula for it - Pleasure + engagement + meaning = happiness.”
JT: “I like mine better. It is simpler.”
JT: “Tacos plus mocha malts = happiness.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: While I was in Vermont, I decided I would follow in the footsteps of their native son, Pulitzer winning poet Robert Frost, and write my own prizewinner. Here it is. (Please note that being happily married, the last line is not to be taken literally.)
What is so rare as a babe in June,
With boobies that bounce a bit?
Don’t you just hate?
And can you relate
To those who do naught but sit?
Just give me a bounce,
An once of a flounce,
Or any old sign of life.
My search will be done,
I’ll shout, “She’s the one!”
And take her right now
For my wife.
JH: “Have you been following BBC lately?”
JH: “They have this thing going on happiness.”
JH : “Psychologists have even come up with a formula for it - Pleasure + engagement + meaning = happiness.”
JT: “I like mine better. It is simpler.”
JT: “Tacos plus mocha malts = happiness.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: While I was in Vermont, I decided I would follow in the footsteps of their native son, Pulitzer winning poet Robert Frost, and write my own prizewinner. Here it is. (Please note that being happily married, the last line is not to be taken literally.)
What is so rare as a babe in June,
With boobies that bounce a bit?
Don’t you just hate?
And can you relate
To those who do naught but sit?
Just give me a bounce,
An once of a flounce,
Or any old sign of life.
My search will be done,
I’ll shout, “She’s the one!”
And take her right now
For my wife.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Nobody Daily – 11/1/08
CONVERSATIONS
McCain (in South Florida): “Joe the Plumber couldn’t be with us today.”
JM: “But we do have Joe the Jew.”
JM: “Joe wants to tell you about Obama’s secret plan…
JM: to close down Jewish retirement settlements…
JM: in Florida’s West Bank.”
JM: “He may even be planning a separate Palestinian State north of West Palm Beach.”
Friday, October 31, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/31/08
CONVERSATIONS
Host: “Happy Halloween kids, here’s the deal.”
H: “Barack, you can be the Scarecrow.”
H: “Joey, you are the Tin Man.”
JB: “Darn, I wanted to be a plumber.”
H: “Johnny Mac, gets to be the Wizard.”
H: “Sarah, here is your broom stick.”
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/30/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you read where the social conservatives plan to take over the Republican Party?”
JH: “They think that with their leadership and mono-message…
JH: they can impose party discipline…
JH: and capture 25 to 30 percent of the vote…
JH: every election.”
JT: “Hello Democratic era!”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Who’s the intellectual leader of these social conservatives?”
JH: “Rush Limbaugh.”
JT: “Hello Democratic era!”
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/29/08
CONVERSATIONS
McCain Pollster: “The McCain campaign has made impressive strides over the last week of tracking.”
MP: “At the current rate, we project…
MP: that he will overtake his opponent…
MP: by Election Day…
MP: 2016.”
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/28/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you read Jonah Goldberg today?”
JT: “The far right columnist? No.”
JH: “He calls Obama a stale liberal…
JH: who ‘symbolizes a return to an older version of America.’”
JT: “You mean one with a booming economy
JT: and our troops out of Iraq and chasing bin Laden?”
JT: “DAMN!”
Monday, October 27, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/27/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Wow! McCain’s people are angry!”
JH: “They are saying that Palin's 'going rogue.’”
JT: “What do they expect?”
JT: “You choose a maverick, you get a rogue.”
JT: “Cannibal time!”
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/26/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: ”Did you see where they are already voting in Florida?”
JH: “Not to mention that thousands across the country have cast absentee ballots.”
JH: “Who do you think this hurts the most?”
JT: “McCain.”
JT: “He had planned to shift his campaign theme at least…
JT: three more times before Election Day.”
JH: ”Did you see where they are already voting in Florida?”
JH: “Not to mention that thousands across the country have cast absentee ballots.”
JH: “Who do you think this hurts the most?”
JT: “McCain.”
JT: “He had planned to shift his campaign theme at least…
JT: three more times before Election Day.”
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/23/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Can you believe this?”
JH: On September 10 alone, Palin spent $75,062.63 of Republican campaign funds at Neiman Marcus,
JH: $49,425.74 at two different Saks Fifth Avenues,
JH: and $10,802.29 at other stores.”
JT: “I guess Obama’s not the only one who wants to…
JT: redistribute the wealth.”
JT: “Or is this just the way soccer moms dress…
JT: in ‘real America?’”
JH: “Can you believe this?”
JH: On September 10 alone, Palin spent $75,062.63 of Republican campaign funds at Neiman Marcus,
JH: $49,425.74 at two different Saks Fifth Avenues,
JH: and $10,802.29 at other stores.”
JT: “I guess Obama’s not the only one who wants to…
JT: redistribute the wealth.”
JT: “Or is this just the way soccer moms dress…
JT: in ‘real America?’”
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/22/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: ”I see that Obama’s lead is down a point.”
JT: “I pay absolutely no attention to the daily polls.”
JT: “And besides, it was only .090001%of a point.”
JH: ”I see that Obama’s lead is down a point.”
JT: “I pay absolutely no attention to the daily polls.”
JT: “And besides, it was only .090001%of a point.”
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/21/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: ”Doesn’t it seem to you that McCain has lost weight during the campaign?”
JT: “Shedding your ideals is worth a couple of belt sizes every time.”
JH: ”Doesn’t it seem to you that McCain has lost weight during the campaign?”
JT: “Shedding your ideals is worth a couple of belt sizes every time.”
Monday, October 20, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/20/08
CONVERSATIONS
President, San Bernardino Republican Women’s Club: “We will not give in to the politics of intimidation.”
PSBRWC: “The Democrats will not control us with phony charges and name calling.”
PSBRWC: “Yes our October newsletter was illustrated with a picture of Obama…
PSBRWC: surrounded by fried chicken, watermelon and ribs,
PSBRWC: but that does not make us racists.”
President, San Bernardino Republican Women’s Club: “We will not give in to the politics of intimidation.”
PSBRWC: “The Democrats will not control us with phony charges and name calling.”
PSBRWC: “Yes our October newsletter was illustrated with a picture of Obama…
PSBRWC: surrounded by fried chicken, watermelon and ribs,
PSBRWC: but that does not make us racists.”
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/19/08
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Obama wants to tax the wealthy to help the less wealthy.”
JM: “I call that socialism.”
Reporter: “Sir, what about the bailout?”
JM: “That’s taking money from the less wealthy to help the wealthy.”
JM: “I call that smart.”
John McCain: “Obama wants to tax the wealthy to help the less wealthy.”
JM: “I call that socialism.”
Reporter: “Sir, what about the bailout?”
JM: “That’s taking money from the less wealthy to help the wealthy.”
JM: “I call that smart.”
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/18/08
CONVERSATIONS
Aide: “Senator McCain! Senator McCain!”
Aide: “Our plumber is not licensed nor registered.”
JM: “OH, NO! OH, NO!”
JM: “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”
CONVERSATIONS
Aide: “And your favorable rating…
Aide: is down to 41%.”
JM: “OH, NO! OH, NO!”
JM: “Say it ain’t so low!”
Aide: “Senator McCain! Senator McCain!”
Aide: “Our plumber is not licensed nor registered.”
JM: “OH, NO! OH, NO!”
JM: “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”
CONVERSATIONS
Aide: “And your favorable rating…
Aide: is down to 41%.”
JM: “OH, NO! OH, NO!”
JM: “Say it ain’t so low!”
Friday, October 17, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/17/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “So the McCain/Palin campaign is now all about two guys named Joe.”
JT: “Come to think of it, wasn’t that the title of a movie back when McCain and I were boys?”
JH: “You’re thinking of ‘A Guy Named Joe.’”
JT: “That’s right, one Joe.”
JT: “Anyway, Joe the Plumber is going to try to fix the leak in McCain’s campaign, and,
JT: when that fails,
JT: Joe Sixpack is going to provide the beer for the wake.”
JT: “So the McCain/Palin campaign is now all about two guys named Joe.”
JT: “Come to think of it, wasn’t that the title of a movie back when McCain and I were boys?”
JH: “You’re thinking of ‘A Guy Named Joe.’”
JT: “That’s right, one Joe.”
JT: “Anyway, Joe the Plumber is going to try to fix the leak in McCain’s campaign, and,
JT: when that fails,
JT: Joe Sixpack is going to provide the beer for the wake.”
Thursday, October 16, 2008
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Your thoughts on last night’s final debate?”
JT: “I’m with David Brooks. McCain was so tightly wound that I was afraid he would break into tiny pieces.”
JT: “Of course, you have to give him some credit.”
JT: “Saying the American people are angry three times in your first sentence,
JT: with clenched teeth and a manical grin
JT: is no easy thing.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “The Dodgers didn’t go out with a bang last night.”
JH: “Not even a whimper.”
JT: “It was more like they went out by the numbers…
JT: E-6, 4-6-3 and 5-1.”
JH: “Your thoughts on last night’s final debate?”
JT: “I’m with David Brooks. McCain was so tightly wound that I was afraid he would break into tiny pieces.”
JT: “Of course, you have to give him some credit.”
JT: “Saying the American people are angry three times in your first sentence,
JT: with clenched teeth and a manical grin
JT: is no easy thing.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “The Dodgers didn’t go out with a bang last night.”
JH: “Not even a whimper.”
JT: “It was more like they went out by the numbers…
JT: E-6, 4-6-3 and 5-1.”
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/15/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Did you see where McCain has hired Tucker Eskew as a consultant?”
JH: “Isn’t that the same guy who slimed the Arizona senator in South Carolina in 2000?”
JH: “As I recall, he claimed that McCain had an illegitimate black daughter.”
JT: “Yes, but now he says he was wrong and that…
JT: she was really Obama’s Muslim daughter.”
JT: “Did you see where McCain has hired Tucker Eskew as a consultant?”
JH: “Isn’t that the same guy who slimed the Arizona senator in South Carolina in 2000?”
JH: “As I recall, he claimed that McCain had an illegitimate black daughter.”
JT: “Yes, but now he says he was wrong and that…
JT: she was really Obama’s Muslim daughter.”
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/14/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “It’s scary how alike Democrats and Republicans are these days.”
JT: “They both even retain the same law firm.”
JH: “What law firm are you talking about?”
JT: “Cut, Spend and Borrow.”
JH: “Isn’t Borrow the one who lives in China?”
JT: “It’s scary how alike Democrats and Republicans are these days.”
JT: “They both even retain the same law firm.”
JH: “What law firm are you talking about?”
JT: “Cut, Spend and Borrow.”
JH: “Isn’t Borrow the one who lives in China?”
Monday, October 13, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/13/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “It looks like McCain’s message of moderation is getting through?”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “Yesterday his crowds dropped the ‘kill Obama’ cries…
JT: and merely yelled ‘hurt him badly.’”
JT: “It looks like McCain’s message of moderation is getting through?”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “Yesterday his crowds dropped the ‘kill Obama’ cries…
JT: and merely yelled ‘hurt him badly.’”
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/12/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Let me get this straight.”
JT: “Laws to regulate human social behavior are good?”
Republican Friend: “Of course.” Who wants to live in a lawless political society where the strong prey upon the weak?”
JT: “But laws regulating human economic behavior are bad?”
RP: “Absolutely! Who wants to live in a lawful economic society where the strong can’t prey upon the weak?”
JT: “Let me get this straight.”
JT: “Laws to regulate human social behavior are good?”
Republican Friend: “Of course.” Who wants to live in a lawless political society where the strong prey upon the weak?”
JT: “But laws regulating human economic behavior are bad?”
RP: “Absolutely! Who wants to live in a lawful economic society where the strong can’t prey upon the weak?”
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/11/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you see where someone at a McCain rally screamed out that Obama is a terrorist?”
JH: “And someone at a Palin-Florida rally yelled ‘kill him!’”
JT: “And neither Republican objected.”
JT: “It’s called lynch-mob politics,
JT: or, if you like the shorter version -
JT: Palin’s gift.”
CONVERSATIONS
Crowd noise: “Kill the traitor! Kill the Arab!”
McCain: “My friends. Barack Obama is decent and a good family man.”
JM: “And I will not tolerate these insults toward him.”
JM: “So I am turning the microphone over to my amazing running mate.”
JH: “Did you see where someone at a McCain rally screamed out that Obama is a terrorist?”
JH: “And someone at a Palin-Florida rally yelled ‘kill him!’”
JT: “And neither Republican objected.”
JT: “It’s called lynch-mob politics,
JT: or, if you like the shorter version -
JT: Palin’s gift.”
CONVERSATIONS
Crowd noise: “Kill the traitor! Kill the Arab!”
McCain: “My friends. Barack Obama is decent and a good family man.”
JM: “And I will not tolerate these insults toward him.”
JM: “So I am turning the microphone over to my amazing running mate.”
Friday, October 10, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/10/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “It says here that Bill Gates has lost $1.5 billion in 33 days.”
JT: “The Google guys lost the same.”
JT: “And Larry Ellison is down $1.6.”
JT: “Barb, you have to read this.”
BBT: “Not now. I’m heading for the .99.99 Cent Store
BBT: to do my monthly shopping.”
JT: “It says here that Bill Gates has lost $1.5 billion in 33 days.”
JT: “The Google guys lost the same.”
JT: “And Larry Ellison is down $1.6.”
JT: “Barb, you have to read this.”
BBT: “Not now. I’m heading for the .99.99 Cent Store
BBT: to do my monthly shopping.”
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/9/08
CONVERSATIONS
McCain: “Senator Abomination is untruthful and unethical.”
Reporter: “Sir, why didn’t you make these charges two days ago during your debate?”
JM: “Because I will not get down in the mud…
JM: and call my opponent names...
JM: to his face.”
McCain: “Senator Abomination is untruthful and unethical.”
Reporter: “Sir, why didn’t you make these charges two days ago during your debate?”
JM: “Because I will not get down in the mud…
JM: and call my opponent names...
JM: to his face.”
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
(McCain during the second debate)
John McCain: “Who wants us out of Iraq soon? That one!”
JM: “Who wants to harm free enterprise by regulating health insurance companies? That one!”
JM: “Who wants to raise taxes for the wealthiest 5 percent? That one!”
JM: “Who’s floundering in the campaign? This one!”
(McCain during the second debate)
John McCain: “Who wants us out of Iraq soon? That one!”
JM: “Who wants to harm free enterprise by regulating health insurance companies? That one!”
JM: “Who wants to raise taxes for the wealthiest 5 percent? That one!”
JM: “Who’s floundering in the campaign? This one!”
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/7/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “McCain is going dirty again.”
JH: “I thought he promised to run a positive campaign,
JH: one that was centered on issues.”
JT: “His campaign is issue-centered.”
JT: “The issue is that he is losing.”
CONVERSATIONS
REPORTER: “Senator McCain, do you feel that Senator Obama’s association with Bill Ayers is ground for suspicion?”
JM: “Yes, and so does my close friend G. Gordon Liddy.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “My friends, I didn’t just come out of nowhere.”
JM: “You know me. You know who I am and what I stand for.”
JM: “But that’s still not a good reason for voting for Senator Obama.”
JH: “McCain is going dirty again.”
JH: “I thought he promised to run a positive campaign,
JH: one that was centered on issues.”
JT: “His campaign is issue-centered.”
JT: “The issue is that he is losing.”
CONVERSATIONS
REPORTER: “Senator McCain, do you feel that Senator Obama’s association with Bill Ayers is ground for suspicion?”
JM: “Yes, and so does my close friend G. Gordon Liddy.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “My friends, I didn’t just come out of nowhere.”
JM: “You know me. You know who I am and what I stand for.”
JM: “But that’s still not a good reason for voting for Senator Obama.”
Monday, October 6, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/6/08
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Governor Palin, you have said that Senator Obama’s association with a founder of the Weather Underground is fair game for discussion.”
GP: “That’s right.”
R: “And that he may have had a role in that group’s terrorists bombings in San Francisco.”
GP: “It’s possible.”
R: “But, Governor Palin, Senator Obama was only 8 at the time.”
GP: “I’m not saying he didn’t have help.”
Reporter: “Governor Palin, you have said that Senator Obama’s association with a founder of the Weather Underground is fair game for discussion.”
GP: “That’s right.”
R: “And that he may have had a role in that group’s terrorists bombings in San Francisco.”
GP: “It’s possible.”
R: “But, Governor Palin, Senator Obama was only 8 at the time.”
GP: “I’m not saying he didn’t have help.”
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/5/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Well we finally know why.”
JH: “Know why what?”
JT: “Palin just explained why she did so poorly in the Couric interviews.”
JT: “She said that Katie asked her the wrong questions.”
JH: “Like what?”
JT: “Like ones she couldn’t answer.”
JT: “Well we finally know why.”
JH: “Know why what?”
JT: “Palin just explained why she did so poorly in the Couric interviews.”
JT: “She said that Katie asked her the wrong questions.”
JH: “Like what?”
JT: “Like ones she couldn’t answer.”
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/4/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “The Divine Sarah was really on cue Thursday night.”
JH: “No, Jim, the Divine Sarah wasn’t Palin, it was
Bernhardt.”
JH: “Great actress, never forgot her lines.”
JT: “As I said, the Divine Sarah was really on cue Thursday night.”
JT: “The Divine Sarah was really on cue Thursday night.”
JH: “No, Jim, the Divine Sarah wasn’t Palin, it was
Bernhardt.”
JH: “Great actress, never forgot her lines.”
JT: “As I said, the Divine Sarah was really on cue Thursday night.”
Friday, October 3, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/3/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “What did you see as most impressive about Palin last night?”
JT: “The way she pleaded the Fifth.”
JH: “You have to be kidding?”
JT: “Not at all.”
JT: “And she did it early and often.”
JT: “Here it is on my recording.”
Governor Palin: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I was not properly prepped and programmed for it.”
JH: “What did you see as most impressive about Palin last night?”
JT: “The way she pleaded the Fifth.”
JH: “You have to be kidding?”
JT: “Not at all.”
JT: “And she did it early and often.”
JT: “Here it is on my recording.”
Governor Palin: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I was not properly prepped and programmed for it.”
Nobody Daily – 10/3/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “What did you see as most impressive about Palin last night?”
JT: “The way she pleaded the Fifth.”
JH: “You have to be kidding?”
JT: “Not at all.”
JT: “And she did it early and often.”
JT: “Here it is on my recording.”
Governor Palin: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I was not properly prepped and programmed for it.”
JH: “What did you see as most impressive about Palin last night?”
JT: “The way she pleaded the Fifth.”
JH: “You have to be kidding?”
JT: “Not at all.”
JT: “And she did it early and often.”
JT: “Here it is on my recording.”
Governor Palin: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I was not properly prepped and programmed for it.”
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/2/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “What are you looking for from Governor Palin tonight?”
JT: “Specificity.”
JH: “I assume you mean does she know the issues?”
JT: “I mean does she know the word.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Actually, she doesn’t need to know its meaning.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “She is going to continue to campaign as Joe Six-pack.”
JT: “’I know nothing, and I’m damn proud of it.’”
JT: “’Switch on the mud-wrestling channel!’”
JH: “What are you looking for from Governor Palin tonight?”
JT: “Specificity.”
JH: “I assume you mean does she know the issues?”
JT: “I mean does she know the word.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Actually, she doesn’t need to know its meaning.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “She is going to continue to campaign as Joe Six-pack.”
JT: “’I know nothing, and I’m damn proud of it.’”
JT: “’Switch on the mud-wrestling channel!’”
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Nobody Daily – 10/1/08
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “My fellow Americans,
JM: I want you to know
JM: how proud I am of this bailout
JM: on which I worked so hard,
JM: and that my good friends in Congress
JM: just (urgent whisper from aide)
JM: voted down.”
John McCain: “My fellow Americans,
JM: I want you to know
JM: how proud I am of this bailout
JM: on which I worked so hard,
JM: and that my good friends in Congress
JM: just (urgent whisper from aide)
JM: voted down.”
Friday, September 12, 2008
Nobody Daily 9/12/08 Two more
CONVERSATIONS
Charles Gibson: “Tell me, Governor, what experience do you have in foreign policy?”
Governor Palin: “I can actually see Russia from an Alaskan island.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “I’m a serious man.”
JM: “I’ll run a serious campaign.”
JM: “And I will never allow Barack Obama to teach
JM: sex education
JM: to my great granddaughter, Lisa,
JM: in pre-school.”
Charles Gibson: “Tell me, Governor, what experience do you have in foreign policy?”
Governor Palin: “I can actually see Russia from an Alaskan island.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “I’m a serious man.”
JM: “I’ll run a serious campaign.”
JM: “And I will never allow Barack Obama to teach
JM: sex education
JM: to my great granddaughter, Lisa,
JM: in pre-school.”
Nobody Daily – 9/12/08
CONVERSATIONS
Charles Gibson: “Ms. Palin, what is your opinion of the Bush doctrine?”
Governor Palin: “Bush doctrine.. ah, ah.. I’m not sure what you mean.”
Gibson: “What he called the right of anticipatory self-defense.”
Palin: “Oh that.”
Palin: “I’m for it.”
Palin: “We had all our kids take judo lessons before they even started kindergarten.”
CONVERSATIONS
Every Woman I: “She may be the least qualified VP candidate in history.”
Every Woman II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: “She is against abortion, even in cases of rape and incest.”
EW II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: Except for her sex, she would never have had a chance at the nomination.”
EW II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: “You’ve right.”
EW I: “I can hardly wait to vote for her.”
Charles Gibson: “Ms. Palin, what is your opinion of the Bush doctrine?”
Governor Palin: “Bush doctrine.. ah, ah.. I’m not sure what you mean.”
Gibson: “What he called the right of anticipatory self-defense.”
Palin: “Oh that.”
Palin: “I’m for it.”
Palin: “We had all our kids take judo lessons before they even started kindergarten.”
CONVERSATIONS
Every Woman I: “She may be the least qualified VP candidate in history.”
Every Woman II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: “She is against abortion, even in cases of rape and incest.”
EW II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: Except for her sex, she would never have had a chance at the nomination.”
EW II: “But she’s a woman.”
EW I: “You’ve right.”
EW I: “I can hardly wait to vote for her.”
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/11/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Thanks to Palin, Alaska is first in per capita pork from D. C.”
JT: “They are eating high up on the hog.”
JH: “Be careful, Jim.”
JT: “In a pig’s eye I will.”
JT: “Voting Republican this year is like buying a pig in a poke.”
JH: “Watch the porcine expressions. You’ll drive McCain crazy.”
JT: “What’s the pig deal!”
JH: “He’ll send his team after you.”
JT: Those swine!”
JT: “They will find me harder to catch than a greased pig.”
JT: “Thanks to Palin, Alaska is first in per capita pork from D. C.”
JT: “They are eating high up on the hog.”
JH: “Be careful, Jim.”
JT: “In a pig’s eye I will.”
JT: “Voting Republican this year is like buying a pig in a poke.”
JH: “Watch the porcine expressions. You’ll drive McCain crazy.”
JT: “What’s the pig deal!”
JH: “He’ll send his team after you.”
JT: Those swine!”
JT: “They will find me harder to catch than a greased pig.”
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/10/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I am going to get rich on-line.”
JH: “How?”
JT: “By promising to raise Elvis and James Dean from the dead.”
JT: “I figure that if people believe that Palin is qualified
JT: and McCain is a change agent,
JT: They will believe anything.”
JT: “I am going to get rich on-line.”
JH: “How?”
JT: “By promising to raise Elvis and James Dean from the dead.”
JT: “I figure that if people believe that Palin is qualified
JT: and McCain is a change agent,
JT: They will believe anything.”
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/9/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Here’s what I think.”
JH: “Whoever wins this election will have vast opportunities to move the country in the correct direction.”
JT: “Yes, but I fear the Republicans would only be half vast.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “It's not the job of the government to define who is rich."
JM: “It’s the job of government to make them richer.”
JH: “Here’s what I think.”
JH: “Whoever wins this election will have vast opportunities to move the country in the correct direction.”
JT: “Yes, but I fear the Republicans would only be half vast.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “It's not the job of the government to define who is rich."
JM: “It’s the job of government to make them richer.”
Monday, September 8, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Read it to me again!”
JT: “I promise not to laugh this time.”
JH: “McCain said, ‘Isn't she the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?’”
JT: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
JH: “Sorry!”
JT: “But think what he would say had she been his first choice.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Press conference)
John McCain: “No cover-ups in my campaign.”
(Aide Whispers to him)
JM: “No cover-ups in my campaign,
JM: after we table the Palin ethics investigation.”
JT: “Read it to me again!”
JT: “I promise not to laugh this time.”
JH: “McCain said, ‘Isn't she the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?’”
JT: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
JH: “Sorry!”
JT: “But think what he would say had she been his first choice.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Press conference)
John McCain: “No cover-ups in my campaign.”
(Aide Whispers to him)
JM: “No cover-ups in my campaign,
JM: after we table the Palin ethics investigation.”
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/7/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Listen to this from Senator McCain.”
JT: “Read it to me!”
John McCain: "Isn't she the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?”
JT: “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”
JH: “Can I quote you?”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Come on Jim. You’re being too tough on them.”
JT: “Tough on who?”
JH: “The Republicans for mixing up the back-drop picture at the convention.”
JT: “I suppose you are right.” Anyone could have confused a hospital in DC with
JT: a middle school in North Hollywood.”
JH: “Listen to this from Senator McCain.”
JT: “Read it to me!”
John McCain: "Isn't she the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?”
JT: “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”
JH: “Can I quote you?”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Come on Jim. You’re being too tough on them.”
JT: “Tough on who?”
JH: “The Republicans for mixing up the back-drop picture at the convention.”
JT: “I suppose you are right.” Anyone could have confused a hospital in DC with
JT: a middle school in North Hollywood.”
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/6/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “So what do you think is the biggest question to come out of the Republican Convention?”
JT: “That’s easy.”
JT: “At what point will Palin drop McCain and choose a new running mate?”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I saw the new Woody Allen movie yesterday.”
JH: “And?”
JT: “Incredible Spanish scenery.”
JT: “Beautiful people.”
JT: “Lots of sex.”
JT: “And they were all miserable.”
JT: “I loved it!”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “What I can’t figure out is why the retired crowd isn’t more into McCain?”
JH: “After all, he’s one of them.”
JT: “WE older folks like our prunes for breakfast,
JT: not for president.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “WOW! Did you read this? – ‘The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. ... And I won't be buried under their damn flag.’"
JH: “What? Obama’s minister is spouting off again?”
JT: “Wrong! That’s Joe Vogler, the head of the Alaska Independence Party.”
JH: “Isn’t that the group to whom Sarah Plain has ties?”
JT: “Yes. When she cites the Declaration of Independence,
JT: she doesn’t mean 1776.”
JH: “So what do you think is the biggest question to come out of the Republican Convention?”
JT: “That’s easy.”
JT: “At what point will Palin drop McCain and choose a new running mate?”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I saw the new Woody Allen movie yesterday.”
JH: “And?”
JT: “Incredible Spanish scenery.”
JT: “Beautiful people.”
JT: “Lots of sex.”
JT: “And they were all miserable.”
JT: “I loved it!”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “What I can’t figure out is why the retired crowd isn’t more into McCain?”
JH: “After all, he’s one of them.”
JT: “WE older folks like our prunes for breakfast,
JT: not for president.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “WOW! Did you read this? – ‘The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. ... And I won't be buried under their damn flag.’"
JH: “What? Obama’s minister is spouting off again?”
JT: “Wrong! That’s Joe Vogler, the head of the Alaska Independence Party.”
JH: “Isn’t that the group to whom Sarah Plain has ties?”
JT: “Yes. When she cites the Declaration of Independence,
JT: she doesn’t mean 1776.”
Friday, September 5, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/5/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “This is the strangest election.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “I don’t think I can ever remember an election in which…
JT: both major candidates were running against…
JT: the Republican Party.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain speaking to the convention.
JM: “I’m the most prepared to be your next president.”
JM: “My opponent is half motivated by ambition.”
JM: “Me – I’m a hundred percent guy.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Nothing dirty!”
JM: “That’s an absolute!”
JM: “No dirty campaigning for me”
JM: “I leave that to my vice president.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “I pledge to run a respectful campaign.”
JM: “A totally respectful campaign.”
Reporter: “But sir, what about all the innuendos coming from your people?”
R: “Hints that Obama is a wife-beating, Muslim terrorist?”
JM: “I respect that.”
JT: “This is the strangest election.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “I don’t think I can ever remember an election in which…
JT: both major candidates were running against…
JT: the Republican Party.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain speaking to the convention.
JM: “I’m the most prepared to be your next president.”
JM: “My opponent is half motivated by ambition.”
JM: “Me – I’m a hundred percent guy.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Nothing dirty!”
JM: “That’s an absolute!”
JM: “No dirty campaigning for me”
JM: “I leave that to my vice president.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “I pledge to run a respectful campaign.”
JM: “A totally respectful campaign.”
Reporter: “But sir, what about all the innuendos coming from your people?”
R: “Hints that Obama is a wife-beating, Muslim terrorist?”
JM: “I respect that.”
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/4/08
CONVERSATIONS
Governor Palin: “I only hope that the press will allow me to keep my family life private.”
GP: “These people on the stage with me, my common man husband,
GP: my pregnant teen-daughter who is not going to have an abortion,
GP: her boyfriend who is going to do the right thing,
GP: my Down syndrome baby that I hold in public as often as I can,
GP: my son who is soon going off to Iraq.”
GP: “These people deserve their privacy.”
CONVERSATIONS
Governor Palin: “Here is my plan to save public education.”
GP: “Harry Potter – out!”
GP: “Evolution – out.’
GP: “Sex education – out.”
GP: “On second thought, maybe we could keep that in…
GP: but no pictures.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Do you think that the social conservatives dominate the Republican Party?”
JT” “All I know is that a key part of their platform is a pro-teen-pregnancy plank.”
JH: “I didn’t see that.”
JT: “They disguise it by calling it…
JT: abstinence.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Why doesn’t my opponent stop hounding this women about a personal family problem?”
Reporter: “But sir, Senator Obama hasn’t said a negative word about the pregnancy.”
JM: “He’s thinking it!”
Governor Palin: “I only hope that the press will allow me to keep my family life private.”
GP: “These people on the stage with me, my common man husband,
GP: my pregnant teen-daughter who is not going to have an abortion,
GP: her boyfriend who is going to do the right thing,
GP: my Down syndrome baby that I hold in public as often as I can,
GP: my son who is soon going off to Iraq.”
GP: “These people deserve their privacy.”
CONVERSATIONS
Governor Palin: “Here is my plan to save public education.”
GP: “Harry Potter – out!”
GP: “Evolution – out.’
GP: “Sex education – out.”
GP: “On second thought, maybe we could keep that in…
GP: but no pictures.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Do you think that the social conservatives dominate the Republican Party?”
JT” “All I know is that a key part of their platform is a pro-teen-pregnancy plank.”
JH: “I didn’t see that.”
JT: “They disguise it by calling it…
JT: abstinence.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Why doesn’t my opponent stop hounding this women about a personal family problem?”
Reporter: “But sir, Senator Obama hasn’t said a negative word about the pregnancy.”
JM: “He’s thinking it!”
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/3/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Don’t believe me about neos?”
JT” “Just listen to this from their Holy Book.”
JT: “In the beginning American conservatives…
JT: created heaven and earth,
JT: and all was darkness until Ronald Reagan said:
JT: “’Let there be light – and low taxes.’”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “So I chose Sarah Palin as my running mate.”
JM: I don’t see what the big deal is all about.”
JM: “All a vice president does is attend funerals..
JM: and check on the president’s health.”
JM: “OOPS! Let me rephrase that.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Yes, I’d say unique.”
JH: “In what way?”
JT: “Well, the Republicans are the party in power, right?”
JH: “Of course.”
JT: “And yet, the theme of their convention is…
JT: throw the rascal out.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Traitor Joe’s no dummy.”
JT: “I’m not so sure.”
JT: “Did you watch his speech last night?”
JT: “His lips never moved once.”
JT: “Don’t believe me about neos?”
JT” “Just listen to this from their Holy Book.”
JT: “In the beginning American conservatives…
JT: created heaven and earth,
JT: and all was darkness until Ronald Reagan said:
JT: “’Let there be light – and low taxes.’”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “So I chose Sarah Palin as my running mate.”
JM: I don’t see what the big deal is all about.”
JM: “All a vice president does is attend funerals..
JM: and check on the president’s health.”
JM: “OOPS! Let me rephrase that.”
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Yes, I’d say unique.”
JH: “In what way?”
JT: “Well, the Republicans are the party in power, right?”
JH: “Of course.”
JT: “And yet, the theme of their convention is…
JT: throw the rascal out.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Traitor Joe’s no dummy.”
JT: “I’m not so sure.”
JT: “Did you watch his speech last night?”
JT: “His lips never moved once.”
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/2/08
CONVERSATIONS
ON SARAH PALIN
POINT: “She's a partner and a soul mate.” - John McCain
Point: “She’s a babe.” - Rush Limbaugh
Counterpoint: “No more Viagra for you two.” - Daughters of the American Revolution
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Rob the poor to help the rich.”
JM: “I like it! It has a kind of edgy, outlaw feel.”
JM “Sort of like Robin Hood.”
Aide: “ Sir! Robin stole from the rich to help the poor.”
JM: “Really? Arrest that sucker!”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Yes, Governor Palin was thoroughly vetted.”
Reporter: “But sir, the others took two months and the Governor, two minutes.”
JM: “All the time I needed.”
JM: “I just looked her up and down…
JM: and knew she was the right one.”
ON SARAH PALIN
POINT: “She's a partner and a soul mate.” - John McCain
Point: “She’s a babe.” - Rush Limbaugh
Counterpoint: “No more Viagra for you two.” - Daughters of the American Revolution
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Rob the poor to help the rich.”
JM: “I like it! It has a kind of edgy, outlaw feel.”
JM “Sort of like Robin Hood.”
Aide: “ Sir! Robin stole from the rich to help the poor.”
JM: “Really? Arrest that sucker!”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Yes, Governor Palin was thoroughly vetted.”
Reporter: “But sir, the others took two months and the Governor, two minutes.”
JM: “All the time I needed.”
JM: “I just looked her up and down…
JM: and knew she was the right one.”
Monday, September 1, 2008
Nobody Daily – 9/1/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “WOW! It looks like the Republican Convention will be overshadowed…
JM: by an awesome, ugly force of nature.”
JT: “What day is Cheney speaking?”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Palin may be McCain’s plumb, but she doesn’t sit well with the AARP.”
JT: “What do you mean?”
JH: “One of their focus groups in Minneapolis just voted 4-1 against her.”
JT: “That’s because retired people are beyond plums.”
JT: “They’re into the prune stage.”
JH: “WOW! It looks like the Republican Convention will be overshadowed…
JM: by an awesome, ugly force of nature.”
JT: “What day is Cheney speaking?”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Palin may be McCain’s plumb, but she doesn’t sit well with the AARP.”
JT: “What do you mean?”
JH: “One of their focus groups in Minneapolis just voted 4-1 against her.”
JT: “That’s because retired people are beyond plums.”
JT: “They’re into the prune stage.”
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/31/08
CONVERSATIONS
Senator Clinton: “We should all be proud of Governor Sarah Palin’s historic nomination, and I congratulate her.”
Reporter: “Senator, are you aware that Governor Palin called you a whiner a couple of months ago?”
SC: “That Witch.”
SC: “I thought she said winner.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Senator McCain, are you aware that Governor Palin once supported ‘pork barrel’ legislation that you oppose?”
John McCain: (slight chuckle) “Yes, I know that.”
JM: “I kid her and tell her that she’s my own personal…
JM: ‘Bridge to Nowhere.’”
JM: “Wait! That doesn’t sound right.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Governor Palin, is it true that you oppose making the polar bear an endangered species?”
GP: “ Absolutely! I am tired of nanny governments…”
GP: helping those who should…
GP: help themselves.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Now that I picked Governor Palin, maybe people will finally understand.”
JM: “I am a strong advocate for women.”
JM: “Just as long as they leave their issues at home.”
Senator Clinton: “We should all be proud of Governor Sarah Palin’s historic nomination, and I congratulate her.”
Reporter: “Senator, are you aware that Governor Palin called you a whiner a couple of months ago?”
SC: “That Witch.”
SC: “I thought she said winner.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Senator McCain, are you aware that Governor Palin once supported ‘pork barrel’ legislation that you oppose?”
John McCain: (slight chuckle) “Yes, I know that.”
JM: “I kid her and tell her that she’s my own personal…
JM: ‘Bridge to Nowhere.’”
JM: “Wait! That doesn’t sound right.”
CONVERSATIONS
Reporter: “Governor Palin, is it true that you oppose making the polar bear an endangered species?”
GP: “ Absolutely! I am tired of nanny governments…”
GP: helping those who should…
GP: help themselves.”
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “Now that I picked Governor Palin, maybe people will finally understand.”
JM: “I am a strong advocate for women.”
JM: “Just as long as they leave their issues at home.”
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/30/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Define the human tragedy in one sentence.”
JT: “That’s simple. I can do it in three words.”
JT: “I want more.”
JH: “Define the human tragedy in one sentence.”
JT: “That’s simple. I can do it in three words.”
JT: “I want more.”
Friday, August 29, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/29/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “ Did McCain really choose Sarah Palin for his running mate?”
JT: “Yes, he bypassed Mitt the Unfit and Traitor Joe.”
JH: “I saw him grabbing his throat at the press conference.”
JH: “What was he choking on?”
JT: “His claim that experience is important.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Overheard at the grocery store)
First Lady: “Yes, it was a nice convention, my dear, but I can’t vote for Obama.”
Second lady: “Why on earth not?”
FL: “Because, he’s, you know.”
FL: “Because he’s, he’s, he’s.”
SL: “Hawaiian?”
FL: “Yes!”
CONVERSATIONS
JM: “It is time for Obama to leave his temple and get real.”
Reporter: “Senator, that was not a temple. It was a mock up of the West Wing.”
JM: “I’m John McCain and I get confused a lot.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I don’t think it was so bad that Rudy the G. showed up at the Democratic Convention.”
JT: “But did he have to wear that Hero of 9/11 tee shirt?”
JT: “He wasn’t just wearing it.”
JT: “He was selling them.”
JH: “No way.”
JT: “Yep, a booth just outside the exit.”
JH: “ Did McCain really choose Sarah Palin for his running mate?”
JT: “Yes, he bypassed Mitt the Unfit and Traitor Joe.”
JH: “I saw him grabbing his throat at the press conference.”
JH: “What was he choking on?”
JT: “His claim that experience is important.”
CONVERSATIONS
(Overheard at the grocery store)
First Lady: “Yes, it was a nice convention, my dear, but I can’t vote for Obama.”
Second lady: “Why on earth not?”
FL: “Because, he’s, you know.”
FL: “Because he’s, he’s, he’s.”
SL: “Hawaiian?”
FL: “Yes!”
CONVERSATIONS
JM: “It is time for Obama to leave his temple and get real.”
Reporter: “Senator, that was not a temple. It was a mock up of the West Wing.”
JM: “I’m John McCain and I get confused a lot.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I don’t think it was so bad that Rudy the G. showed up at the Democratic Convention.”
JT: “But did he have to wear that Hero of 9/11 tee shirt?”
JT: “He wasn’t just wearing it.”
JT: “He was selling them.”
JH: “No way.”
JT: “Yep, a booth just outside the exit.”
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/28/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “The press was really happy with Hillary’s speech the other night?”
JT: “I wasn't.”
JT: There was something just a little off – that didn’t ring true.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “It’s hard to explain, but I compare it to a movie I recently saw – ‘Momma Mia.’”
JT: “Hillary’s speech was like Obama Mia,
JT: with the emphasis on the ME-a.”
JH: “The press was really happy with Hillary’s speech the other night?”
JT: “I wasn't.”
JT: There was something just a little off – that didn’t ring true.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “It’s hard to explain, but I compare it to a movie I recently saw – ‘Momma Mia.’”
JT: “Hillary’s speech was like Obama Mia,
JT: with the emphasis on the ME-a.”
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/27/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Cindy McCain is going to Georgia?”
JT: “Yes, on a last ditch diplomatic mission,
JT: in the area of her particular expertise.’
JH: “You can’t mean!”
JT: “Yep. If the Russians withdraw quickly,
JT: free Budweiser at the border.”
JH: “Cindy McCain is going to Georgia?”
JT: “Yes, on a last ditch diplomatic mission,
JT: in the area of her particular expertise.’
JH: “You can’t mean!”
JT: “Yep. If the Russians withdraw quickly,
JT: free Budweiser at the border.”
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/26/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: - "I won't do it!”
JT: “I don't care what anybody says, I'm not going to do it!”
JT: “I won't! I won't!! I won't!!!"
Barbara: "Jim, you have no choice.”
B: “You have to get older."
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Jim, have you heard?”
JH: “McCain is seriously considering Lieberman for his running mate.”
JT: “Great! I can see their campaign slogan now.”
JT: “If you want government on the cheap,
JT: come to Traitor Joe’s.”
JT: - "I won't do it!”
JT: “I don't care what anybody says, I'm not going to do it!”
JT: “I won't! I won't!! I won't!!!"
Barbara: "Jim, you have no choice.”
B: “You have to get older."
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Jim, have you heard?”
JH: “McCain is seriously considering Lieberman for his running mate.”
JT: “Great! I can see their campaign slogan now.”
JT: “If you want government on the cheap,
JT: come to Traitor Joe’s.”
Monday, August 25, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/24/08
CONVERSATIONS
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “Was it St. Augustine who said, ‘In all things be moderate?’”
JT: “I think so.”
JT: “But I’m more into the guy who said that we have two choices in life.”
JT: “We can be moderate…
JT: or we can be interesting.”
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “Was it St. Augustine who said, ‘In all things be moderate?’”
JT: “I think so.”
JT: “But I’m more into the guy who said that we have two choices in life.”
JT: “We can be moderate…
JT: or we can be interesting.”
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/24/08
CONVERSATIONS
TV AD: “I want to cut taxes for the wealthy.”
TVA: “Outlaw abortions.”
TVA: “Allow more oil derricks along our coastlines.”
TVA: “Stay in Iraq for another one hundred years.”
TVA: “ And go to war with Iran, North Korea and Russia.”
TVA: “I’m John McCain, and I approve this message.”
TV AD: “I want to cut taxes for the wealthy.”
TVA: “Outlaw abortions.”
TVA: “Allow more oil derricks along our coastlines.”
TVA: “Stay in Iraq for another one hundred years.”
TVA: “ And go to war with Iran, North Korea and Russia.”
TVA: “I’m John McCain, and I approve this message.”
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/23/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I don’t care what they say, she is not 16.”
JH: “You mean He is not 16.”
JT: “No, I mean she is not 16!”
JH: “She is He.”
JT: “What? They cheated about that too?”
JT: “I don’t care what they say, she is not 16.”
JH: “You mean He is not 16.”
JT: “No, I mean she is not 16!”
JH: “She is He.”
JT: “What? They cheated about that too?”
Friday, August 22, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/22/08
CONVERSATIONS
John McCain: “In my wife’s house are many mansions.”
JM: “If it were not so...”
JM: I would have told you.”
JM: “But I just forgot.”
John McCain: “In my wife’s house are many mansions.”
JM: “If it were not so...”
JM: I would have told you.”
JM: “But I just forgot.”
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/21/08
CONVERSATIONS
President Bush: “Relax, people.”
Bush: “Putin is no threat.”
Bush: “I looked into his eyes again at the Olympic beach volleyball game.”
Aide: “But sir, he was wearing sun glasses.”
President Bush: “Relax, people.”
Bush: “Putin is no threat.”
Bush: “I looked into his eyes again at the Olympic beach volleyball game.”
Aide: “But sir, he was wearing sun glasses.”
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/20/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I see where the Jew-hating, Catholic-hating, Kerry-hating, racist, pseudo-author Jerome Corsi has a new book out.”
JH: “Yes, in this one he trashes Obama.”
JT: “I also see where he is aligned with ‘Political Cesspool.’”
JH: “The right-wing radio program?”
JT: “No, the people who published his book.”
JT: “I see where the Jew-hating, Catholic-hating, Kerry-hating, racist, pseudo-author Jerome Corsi has a new book out.”
JH: “Yes, in this one he trashes Obama.”
JT: “I also see where he is aligned with ‘Political Cesspool.’”
JH: “The right-wing radio program?”
JT: “No, the people who published his book.”
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/19/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Way back when he started, someone should have given Bush the same advice…
JT: that Robert Downey Jr. gave Ben Stiller in ‘Tropic Thunder.’”
JH: “What’s that?”
JT: "Never go full retard."
JT: “Way back when he started, someone should have given Bush the same advice…
JT: that Robert Downey Jr. gave Ben Stiller in ‘Tropic Thunder.’”
JH: “What’s that?”
JT: "Never go full retard."
Monday, August 18, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/18/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Hard to believe, Jim!”
JH: ‘Julia Child was a spy during WW II?”
JT: “Yes, she worked for the OSS.”
JH: “In what capacity?”
JT: “Cooking up schemes.”
JH: “Hard to believe, Jim!”
JH: ‘Julia Child was a spy during WW II?”
JT: “Yes, she worked for the OSS.”
JH: “In what capacity?”
JT: “Cooking up schemes.”
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/16/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Have you read the new best seller by Douthat and Salam?”
JH: “What’s it called?”
JT: “’How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream'.”
JH “So what is this Republican dream?”
JT: “Protect the rich and screw everybody else.”
CONVERSATIONS
Starbuck’s thoughts
JT: “Either boob job doctors are getting rich or…
JT: we are in the midst of a great evolutionary change.”
JT: “Have you read the new best seller by Douthat and Salam?”
JH: “What’s it called?”
JT: “’How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream'.”
JH “So what is this Republican dream?”
JT: “Protect the rich and screw everybody else.”
CONVERSATIONS
Starbuck’s thoughts
JT: “Either boob job doctors are getting rich or…
JT: we are in the midst of a great evolutionary change.”
Friday, August 15, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/15/08 Extra
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Mind you, I’m not saying China’s love for Bryant is over the top.”
JT: “But when someone hung his picture next to Chairman Mao.”
JT: “I heard a Chinese girl poke her boyfriend and say..
JT: who’s that short fat guy next to Kobe.”
JT: “Mind you, I’m not saying China’s love for Bryant is over the top.”
JT: “But when someone hung his picture next to Chairman Mao.”
JT: “I heard a Chinese girl poke her boyfriend and say..
JT: who’s that short fat guy next to Kobe.”
Nobody Daily – 8/15/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “I am sick of it! Just tired of it!”
JT: “Sick and tired of what?”
JH: “”Of television commercials that repeat themselves – several times a show.”
JH: “Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
JT: “Stay thirsty my friend.”
JH: “I am sick of it! Just tired of it!”
JT: “Sick and tired of what?”
JH: “”Of television commercials that repeat themselves – several times a show.”
JH: “Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
JT: “Stay thirsty my friend.”
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/14/08 Extra
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you see where Jerome Corsi, the Swift Boat author, has a new hit-job book out that savages Obama?”
JT: “I saw it. Piece of trash.”
JH: “The book or the writer?”
JT: “BOTH!”
JH: “Did you see where Jerome Corsi, the Swift Boat author, has a new hit-job book out that savages Obama?”
JT: “I saw it. Piece of trash.”
JH: “The book or the writer?”
JT: “BOTH!”
Nobody Daily – 8/14/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Eco-nuts? Come on, Jim!”
JH: I know you are not an eco-terrorist, but…”
JT: “You’re mostly right!”
JT: “I live clean.”
JT: I drive clean.”
JT: “But I eat dirty.”
JH: “Eco-nuts? Come on, Jim!”
JH: I know you are not an eco-terrorist, but…”
JT: “You’re mostly right!”
JT: “I live clean.”
JT: I drive clean.”
JT: “But I eat dirty.”
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/13/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “Enough is too much!”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “We stayed at a new-age bed and breakfast last weekend.”
JT: “All we ate was
JT: organic food,
JT: and edible flowers,
JT: served by eco-nuts.”
JT: “Enough is too much!”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “We stayed at a new-age bed and breakfast last weekend.”
JT: “All we ate was
JT: organic food,
JT: and edible flowers,
JT: served by eco-nuts.”
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/12/08
CONVERSATIONS
POLITICS
President Bush: “I understand your concern, President Saakashvili.”
PB: “Of course you are our friend.”
PB: “But in my administration we have this saying:
PB: “A friend in need…
PB: “Is not all that good a friend.”
POLITICS
President Bush: “I understand your concern, President Saakashvili.”
PB: “Of course you are our friend.”
PB: “But in my administration we have this saying:
PB: “A friend in need…
PB: “Is not all that good a friend.”
Monday, August 11, 2008
Nobody Daily 8/11/08 - extra
CONVERSATIONS
John Edwards: “I think this speech is one of my best.”
JE: “How does this sound?”
JE: “Work with me to create an America that is moral, honest and just.”
Campaign advisor: “Sir, the National Enquirer is going to break the story of your affair.”
JE: “Oops! Scratch moral!”
John Edwards: “I think this speech is one of my best.”
JE: “How does this sound?”
JE: “Work with me to create an America that is moral, honest and just.”
Campaign advisor: “Sir, the National Enquirer is going to break the story of your affair.”
JE: “Oops! Scratch moral!”
Nobody Daily – 8/11/08
CONVERSATIONS
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JT: “You can believe in a moral code,
JT: or you can run a health insurance company.”
JT: “But you can never do both.”
THE PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JT: “You can believe in a moral code,
JT: or you can run a health insurance company.”
JT: “But you can never do both.”
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Nobody Daily - 8/9/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “The greatest musical number in a movie? Let’s see.”
JH: “It’s got to be Gene Kelley doing ‘Singing In The Rain.’”
JT: “What about Michelle Pfeiffer in ‘The fabulous Baker Boys?’”
JH: “You’ve got to be kidding. All she does is squirm all over the top of a piano looking sexy.”
JT: “I rest my case.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Michelle Pfeiffer? Come on, Jim.”
JH: “You don’t even know what song she sang.”
JT: “On top of that piano it didn’t matter what song she sang.”
JT: “She was busy ‘Making Whoopee.’”
JH: “The greatest musical number in a movie? Let’s see.”
JH: “It’s got to be Gene Kelley doing ‘Singing In The Rain.’”
JT: “What about Michelle Pfeiffer in ‘The fabulous Baker Boys?’”
JH: “You’ve got to be kidding. All she does is squirm all over the top of a piano looking sexy.”
JT: “I rest my case.”
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Michelle Pfeiffer? Come on, Jim.”
JH: “You don’t even know what song she sang.”
JT: “On top of that piano it didn’t matter what song she sang.”
JT: “She was busy ‘Making Whoopee.’”
Friday, August 8, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “So, after this year, no more softball in the Olympics.”
JT: “Yes. They voted to eliminate it and keep manure-throwing.”
JT: “That way the world’s political leaders…
JT: can continue to participate.”
JH: “So, after this year, no more softball in the Olympics.”
JT: “Yes. They voted to eliminate it and keep manure-throwing.”
JT: “That way the world’s political leaders…
JT: can continue to participate.”
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/8/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Does all this identity theft bother you Jim?”
JT: “Not really.”
JT: “If I start to worry, I always think back to what Othello said.”
JT: “He who steals my purse…
JT gets a lot of maxed-out credit cards.”
JH: “Does all this identity theft bother you Jim?”
JT: “Not really.”
JT: “If I start to worry, I always think back to what Othello said.”
JT: “He who steals my purse…
JT gets a lot of maxed-out credit cards.”
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/6/08
CONVERSATIONS
JT: “I’m telling you, Jim, it’s a conspiracy.”
JT: “James Patterson has a monopoly on American fiction.”
JH: “You’re being an alarmist.”
JT: “Really, check this out.”
“American Pasture” by James Patterson and Phillip Roth.
JT: “Or this.”
“Empire Is Falling” by James Patterson and Richard Russo.
JT: “I’m telling you, Jim, it’s a conspiracy.”
JT: “James Patterson has a monopoly on American fiction.”
JH: “You’re being an alarmist.”
JT: “Really, check this out.”
“American Pasture” by James Patterson and Phillip Roth.
JT: “Or this.”
“Empire Is Falling” by James Patterson and Richard Russo.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/5/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “Did you read that Dick Cheney and John Woo got their inspiration to torture from Jack Bauer?”
JT: “I know. It’s pathetic.”
JH: “Come on, Jim. You like Bauer too.”
JT: That’s different.
JT: “For me, “24” is a guilty pleasure.”
JT: “For them, it’s a documentary.”
JH: “Did you read that Dick Cheney and John Woo got their inspiration to torture from Jack Bauer?”
JT: “I know. It’s pathetic.”
JH: “Come on, Jim. You like Bauer too.”
JT: That’s different.
JT: “For me, “24” is a guilty pleasure.”
JT: “For them, it’s a documentary.”
Monday, August 4, 2008
Nobody Daily – 8/4/08
CONVERSATIONS
JH: “44 last Thursday.”
JT: “55.”
JH: “61 Friday.”
JT: “76.”
JH: “163 over the weekend.”
JT: “345.”
JT: Face it Jim.”
JT: “My e-mail is bigger than yours!”
JH: “44 last Thursday.”
JT: “55.”
JH: “61 Friday.”
JT: “76.”
JH: “163 over the weekend.”
JT: “345.”
JT: Face it Jim.”
JT: “My e-mail is bigger than yours!”
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Nobody Daily 8/2/08
Nobody Asked me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “We need to end this recession!”
JM: “We need to win this war!”
JM: “We need to decrease oil dependency!”
Reporter: “Specifics?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
JM: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
Reporter: “Sir, according to experts from both campaigns and independent analysts, Obama’s proposal is a reduction in government revenue over 10 years. In other words, a tax cut.”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Admit it Obama, you were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “You were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “Wrong about the surge!”
Reporter: “Sir, were you wrong when you assured us that our adventure in Iraq would be fast, produce little American ‘bloodletting’ and ‘be paid for by the Iraqis’?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “We need to end this recession!”
JM: “We need to win this war!”
JM: “We need to decrease oil dependency!”
Reporter: “Specifics?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
JM: “Obama wants to raise your taxes!”
Reporter: “Sir, according to experts from both campaigns and independent analysts, Obama’s proposal is a reduction in government revenue over 10 years. In other words, a tax cut.”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
John McCain: “Admit it Obama, you were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “You were wrong about the surge!”
JM: “Wrong about the surge!”
Reporter: “Sir, were you wrong when you assured us that our adventure in Iraq would be fast, produce little American ‘bloodletting’ and ‘be paid for by the Iraqis’?”
JM: “Did I tell you I was a prisoner of war?”
Friday, August 1, 2008
THAT’S LIFE 8/1/08
THAT’S LIFE
John McCain: “Obama’s playing the race card!”
JM: “It’s not fair!”
JM: “It gives him a big advantage!”
JM: “He should have to campaign in white face!”
John McCain: “Obama’s playing the race card!”
JM: “It’s not fair!”
JM: “It gives him a big advantage!”
JM: “He should have to campaign in white face!”
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/31/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
Campaign Manager: “Obama is an empty shirt.”
CM: “A media hog!”
CM: “A rock star!”
John McCain: You’re right. Time to show him up! But first,…
JM: “can you get me his autograph for my collection?”
Jim AND Jim
Campaign Manager: “Obama is an empty shirt.”
CM: “A media hog!”
CM: “A rock star!”
John McCain: You’re right. Time to show him up! But first,…
JM: “can you get me his autograph for my collection?”
Monday, July 28, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/28/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
JH: “So is Obama trying to “out-faith-base” McCain?”
JT: “Yes, and Bush too.”
JT: “But what I really don’t get is..
JT: If the programs are really faith-based..
JT: Why isn’t God paying for them?”
Jim AND Jim
JH: “So is Obama trying to “out-faith-base” McCain?”
JT: “Yes, and Bush too.”
JT: “But what I really don’t get is..
JT: If the programs are really faith-based..
JT: Why isn’t God paying for them?”
Friday, July 18, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/19/08
THREE FOR SATURDAY
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
Jesse Jackson: “I hate the ‘N’ word!”
JJ: “I won’t use the ‘N’ word!”
JJ: “I don’t use the ‘N’ word!’
JJ: “Unless I’m off camera!”
J&J
JT: “Listen to this Jim!”
JT: “As the apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
JH: “WOW! That’s hot!”
JH: “Is it from the new best seller ‘Erotica?’”
JT: “Nope. ‘Song of Solomon 2:3.’”
J&J
PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “The dating world is so different.”
JH: “Now it’s all about tattoos and fake boobs.”
JT: “It’s even worse than that.”
JH: “What could be worse?”
JT: “Tattoos on fake boobs.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
Jesse Jackson: “I hate the ‘N’ word!”
JJ: “I won’t use the ‘N’ word!”
JJ: “I don’t use the ‘N’ word!’
JJ: “Unless I’m off camera!”
J&J
JT: “Listen to this Jim!”
JT: “As the apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
JH: “WOW! That’s hot!”
JH: “Is it from the new best seller ‘Erotica?’”
JT: “Nope. ‘Song of Solomon 2:3.’”
J&J
PHILOSOPHY CORNER
JH: “The dating world is so different.”
JH: “Now it’s all about tattoos and fake boobs.”
JT: “It’s even worse than that.”
JH: “What could be worse?”
JT: “Tattoos on fake boobs.”
Nobody Daily 7/18/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
JT: (Showing off his new Hawaiian outfit) “Son of the beach!”
JT: “Son of the beach!”
JT: “I am a son of the beach!”
Barbara: “Yes!”
J&J
JT: (Showing off his new Hawaiian outfit) “Son of the beach!”
JT: “Son of the beach!”
JT: “I am a son of the beach!”
Barbara: “Yes!”
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/17/08
J&J
Nobody Asked Me But:
JT: “Jim. Check out this campaign theme song I have written for both Obama and McCain.” (With a bow of appreciation to Paul Simon’s Slip-sliding Away.)
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: The closer it gets to November
JT: The more we’re flip-flopping away.
JT: I know two runners
JT: Who want to win.
JT: They’ll do anything they can short of a mortal sin.
JT: They said to voters, if you vote for me,
JT: Then anyone you want is who that I will be
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: The closer it gets to November
JT: The more we’re flip-flopping away.
Nobody Asked Me But:
JT: “Jim. Check out this campaign theme song I have written for both Obama and McCain.” (With a bow of appreciation to Paul Simon’s Slip-sliding Away.)
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: The closer it gets to November
JT: The more we’re flip-flopping away.
JT: I know two runners
JT: Who want to win.
JT: They’ll do anything they can short of a mortal sin.
JT: They said to voters, if you vote for me,
JT: Then anyone you want is who that I will be
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: Flip-flopping away,
JT: The closer it gets to November
JT: The more we’re flip-flopping away.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/16/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
JH: “Have you read all the static coming out of McCain’s camp?”
JH: “Yes, they claim Obama is constantly shifting positions.”
JT: “They are just being defensive.”
JT: “They seem to think that their candidate is shiftless.”
J&J
JH: “Have you read all the static coming out of McCain’s camp?”
JH: “Yes, they claim Obama is constantly shifting positions.”
JT: “They are just being defensive.”
JT: “They seem to think that their candidate is shiftless.”
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/15/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
(Jim is working in the patio - I told you this was a farce – the eco-police are hovering overhead in a copter)
JT: I guess I will wash down my patio.
EP: STOP WASTING WATER!
JT: All right then, I will use my blowers
EP: STOP WASTING ELECTRICITY!
JT: Then I’ll just use the old muscle power and sweep.
EP: THAT’S A SYNTHETIC BROOM. IT ISN’T BIO-DIGRADABLE!
JT: All right, I’ll just leave it the way it is.
EP: CLEAN UP THAT MESSY PATIO OR YOU WILL BE SUBJECT TO FINES, IMPRISONMENT OR BOTH!
J&J
(Jim is working in the patio - I told you this was a farce – the eco-police are hovering overhead in a copter)
JT: I guess I will wash down my patio.
EP: STOP WASTING WATER!
JT: All right then, I will use my blowers
EP: STOP WASTING ELECTRICITY!
JT: Then I’ll just use the old muscle power and sweep.
EP: THAT’S A SYNTHETIC BROOM. IT ISN’T BIO-DIGRADABLE!
JT: All right, I’ll just leave it the way it is.
EP: CLEAN UP THAT MESSY PATIO OR YOU WILL BE SUBJECT TO FINES, IMPRISONMENT OR BOTH!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/14/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
JH: “Jim, did you see that the U.S. is spending $1 million-per-mile on the border-security fence?”
JT: “What a waste!”
JT: “A few simple signs would have done the trick.”
JT: “Gas - $6 per gallon. Captain Crunch - $6 per box. Baseball ticket - $60.”
J&J
JH: “Jim, did you see that the U.S. is spending $1 million-per-mile on the border-security fence?”
JT: “What a waste!”
JT: “A few simple signs would have done the trick.”
JT: “Gas - $6 per gallon. Captain Crunch - $6 per box. Baseball ticket - $60.”
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/12/08
TWO FOR SATURDAY
Nobody Asked Me But:
THE CANDIDATE
McCain: “Monday I called Social Security a disgrace.”
McCain: “Wednesday I froze on video when asked whether or not insurance companies should pay for birth control.”
McCain: “Yesterday my advisers called America a nation of ‘whiners.’”
McCain: “Now that’s what I call a good week of campaigning.”
THE CANDIDATE
Barack: “Good morning press people.”
Barack: “Here is the proposal I am making to Senator McCain.”
Barack: “If he stops lying about me,
Barack: I will stop telling the truth about him.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
THE CANDIDATE
McCain: “Monday I called Social Security a disgrace.”
McCain: “Wednesday I froze on video when asked whether or not insurance companies should pay for birth control.”
McCain: “Yesterday my advisers called America a nation of ‘whiners.’”
McCain: “Now that’s what I call a good week of campaigning.”
THE CANDIDATE
Barack: “Good morning press people.”
Barack: “Here is the proposal I am making to Senator McCain.”
Barack: “If he stops lying about me,
Barack: I will stop telling the truth about him.”
Friday, July 11, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/11/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
J&J
JH: “Come on Jim. Aren’t you being too hard on Obama?”
JH: “Every candidate modifies his views a little in order to win.”
JT: “A little I don’t mind.”
JT: “But Barrack is eating every day at the Waffle House.”
J&J
JH: “Come on Jim. Aren’t you being too hard on Obama?”
JH: “Every candidate modifies his views a little in order to win.”
JT: “A little I don’t mind.”
JT: “But Barrack is eating every day at the Waffle House.”
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/10/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
THE RECRUIT
Reporter: “Will you play in Europe or go to college?”
The Recruit: “I’m going to college!”
Reporter: “Europe or go to college?”
TR: I’m going to college!
Reporter: “College means you have to take a few classes.”
TR: “I’m going to Europe!”
THE FAN
Nobody Asked Me But:
The Fan: “We need him!”
JT: “He might play in Europe.”
The Fan: “We need him!”
JT: “He might play in Europe.”
The “Fan: We need him!”
JT: “He’s decided to play in Europe.”
The Fan: “Who cares. We never really wanted him anyway.”
THE RECRUIT
Reporter: “Will you play in Europe or go to college?”
The Recruit: “I’m going to college!”
Reporter: “Europe or go to college?”
TR: I’m going to college!
Reporter: “College means you have to take a few classes.”
TR: “I’m going to Europe!”
THE FAN
Nobody Asked Me But:
The Fan: “We need him!”
JT: “He might play in Europe.”
The Fan: “We need him!”
JT: “He might play in Europe.”
The “Fan: We need him!”
JT: “He’s decided to play in Europe.”
The Fan: “Who cares. We never really wanted him anyway.”
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/9/08
THE CANDIDATE
John McCain: “I will not pander to the religious right!”
John McCain: “I will not pander to the religious right!”
Campaign Manager: “Without them, you will lose the election.”
John McCain: “Onward Christian Soldiers!”
John McCain: “I will not pander to the religious right!”
John McCain: “I will not pander to the religious right!”
Campaign Manager: “Without them, you will lose the election.”
John McCain: “Onward Christian Soldiers!”
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/8/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Did you see what Bush wants to do with some big oil people?”
JH: “No, what is he up to?”
JT: “He wants to give them number designations – 007 ½.”
JH: “What in the heck is 007 ½ supposed to mean?”
JT: “License to drill.”
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Did you see what Bush wants to do with some big oil people?”
JH: “No, what is he up to?”
JT: “He wants to give them number designations – 007 ½.”
JH: “What in the heck is 007 ½ supposed to mean?”
JT: “License to drill.”
Monday, July 7, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/7/08
Jim AND Jim
THE IMAM
Imam: “Go young martyrs!”
Imam: “Allah will welcome you.”
Imam: “Virgins will welcome you.”
Martyr: “Are you coming with us Imam?”
Imam: “Alas, I’m too old for virgins.”
Imam: “You young have all the luck.”
THE IMAM
Imam: “Go young martyrs!”
Imam: “Allah will welcome you.”
Imam: “Virgins will welcome you.”
Martyr: “Are you coming with us Imam?”
Imam: “Alas, I’m too old for virgins.”
Imam: “You young have all the luck.”
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Nobody Daily 7/5/08
TWO FOR SATURDAY
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Here’s one for you Jim.”
JH: “All right. I’m ready.”
JT: “What are the most outdated words in the English language?”
JH: “I give up. What are they?”
JH: “Customer service.”
JH: “Jim, did you read this?”
JH: “Barack met in Unity (NH) with Hillary.”
JH: “In Independence (MO) with Bill.”
JT: “I know. Now he says he will go to Hell (MI) to debate McCain.”
JT: “And will wind up in Victory (VT) on Election Day.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Here’s one for you Jim.”
JH: “All right. I’m ready.”
JT: “What are the most outdated words in the English language?”
JH: “I give up. What are they?”
JH: “Customer service.”
JH: “Jim, did you read this?”
JH: “Barack met in Unity (NH) with Hillary.”
JH: “In Independence (MO) with Bill.”
JT: “I know. Now he says he will go to Hell (MI) to debate McCain.”
JT: “And will wind up in Victory (VT) on Election Day.”
Friday, July 4, 2008
7/4/08
As you can see by the date, I wrote this Nobody twelve years ago today. It was number 24. It seems as relevant today as it was then.HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
July 4, 1996
Nobody Asked Me But.....
I do wish a happy birthday to my country. With all its faults, it still offers the best combination of freedom and opportunity of any place on earth.
In the opinion section of Sunday's Times, there was a long article in which many people replied to the question "what movies best represent or typify America and our way of life?" The answers ranged from the expected "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington" to the unusual "Deep Throat." In any case, I found the question fascinating, and so here are my four choices. The first three are in no particular order, but the last is the one I consider most typical.
For my first choice, I am going to cheat a little and choose a genre rather than a single movie. I am talking about the pure and innocent, or sometimes not so pure and innocent, hero against the corrupt establishment. In other words, the Jefferson theme played over and over again in a myriad of times and settings. I am referring here to "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington," "Shane," "To Kill A Mockingbird" and a thousand others. America has always been a sucker for Jeffersonian idealism as long as they can temper it with a little old-fashion Hamiltonian greed.
Which is a nice way to sidestep into my next choice - a strange one in that it does not even deal with the United States. The movie I am talking about is "Schindler's List." How does this represent America? Because Schindler personifies the combination of Jefferson and Hamilton - representing the best of both philosophies. Do good and make a profit out of it. And if you finally have to choose between the two, choose the good.
My third choice is "Do The Right Thing." This film, which I believe to be an underrated classic, shows that the melting pot is ever ready to boil over. Racism, of both the domestic and European immigrant variety, is ever-present, and when you force immigrants and racial minorities to compete for a relatively small share of the economic pie, as we have always done, violent confrontation on some sort of regular basis is going to be the tragic result.
My fourth (actually my first) choice may surprise you. It is "The Wizard of Oz." We are a nation of Dorothys always looking for an easy way to solve our very serious problems. Our first choice is to be rescued by a wizard, usually, but not always, political. When that doesn't work, and more and more it doesn't, we retreat to our backup fantasy, a childhood and childish dream that we can stomp our feet and click our heels and our troubles will disappear. This is so much easier than the hard choices and hard work which is really our only salvation.
Enjoy the fireworks!!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Nobody Daily – 7/3/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
JIM AND JIM
JH: “Time had an interesting article last week.”
JH: “It asked a tough question.”
JH: “Should you drink with your kids?”
JT: “That’s an easy one to answer.”
JT: “Only if they’re buying.”
JIM AND JIM
JH: “Time had an interesting article last week.”
JH: “It asked a tough question.”
JH: “Should you drink with your kids?”
JT: “That’s an easy one to answer.”
JT: “Only if they’re buying.”
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Nobody Daily – 7/2/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
(The Shrink and the Evangelical Preacher – Part II)
EP: “I don’t get it. I’m fighting for the sanctity of heterosexual marriage,
EP: and my wife gets bent all out of shape.”
Shrink: “That must be hard to take.”
EP: “It is. And that’s only half the story.”
EP: “My girlfriend is acting the same way.”
(The Shrink and the Evangelical Preacher – Part II)
EP: “I don’t get it. I’m fighting for the sanctity of heterosexual marriage,
EP: and my wife gets bent all out of shape.”
Shrink: “That must be hard to take.”
EP: “It is. And that’s only half the story.”
EP: “My girlfriend is acting the same way.”
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Nobody Daily – 7/1/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
(The Shrink and the Evangelical Preacher)
Shrink: “How can I help you?”
EP: “My wife says I’ve become a hater, and she will leave me if I don’t change.”
EP: “She says I’m so obsessed with gay marriage that I have no time left for her.”
Shrink: “So, is she right? Do you hate gays?”
EP: “No! I do not hate those queer, faggot, SOBs as people!”
EP: “I just hate their actions.”
(The Shrink and the Evangelical Preacher)
Shrink: “How can I help you?”
EP: “My wife says I’ve become a hater, and she will leave me if I don’t change.”
EP: “She says I’m so obsessed with gay marriage that I have no time left for her.”
Shrink: “So, is she right? Do you hate gays?”
EP: “No! I do not hate those queer, faggot, SOBs as people!”
EP: “I just hate their actions.”
Monday, June 30, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/30/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
(J&J are watching THE CANDIDATE on television)
The Candidate: “The states should be allowed to execute whomever they want.”
The Candidate: “Free trade is bad except when it’s good.”
The Candidate: “Wiretapping’s not all that bad. Neither are guns.”
JH: “Wow! McCain’s on a roll today.”
JT: “That’s not McCain, that’s Obama.”
(J&J are watching THE CANDIDATE on television)
The Candidate: “The states should be allowed to execute whomever they want.”
The Candidate: “Free trade is bad except when it’s good.”
The Candidate: “Wiretapping’s not all that bad. Neither are guns.”
JH: “Wow! McCain’s on a roll today.”
JT: “That’s not McCain, that’s Obama.”
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/28/08
SATURDAY POTPOURRI
Nobody Asked Me But:
I am not a big fan of cartoon movies but put me on the list of those who are going to see “WALL-E.”
Here is a bit from John Anderson’s review of in the Washington Post. “The idea that a company in the business of mainstream entertainment would make something as creative, substantial and cautionary as ‘WALL-E’ has to raise your hopes for humanity.”
On the subject of reviews, here are five critics that you can trust to give you a balanced review – neither too tough nor too easy:
David Ansen – Newsweek
Richard Corliss – Time Magazine
Manohla Dargis – New York Times (started her career at the LA Times)
Stephen Hunter – Washington Post – won a Pulitzer recently for his work
Richard Schickel – Time Magazine – the best of the best, a film historian as well as a critic
And, the absolute worst, which is a high distinction in a field overcrowded with hacks:
Rex Reed
Before we leave the subject of movies, here are the top three on my all-time worst list:
“Tommy”
“Hannibal”
“Shanghai Gesture”
Let’s see. I’m filthy rich and running for public office. My opponent wants the limits on his fund raising so he can more fairly compete with me. The Supreme Court conservatives ruled this week that to do so would violate the First Amendment by limiting my free speech. Go figure??
This strip is called POLITICS - I launch it with an exclusive interview with John McCain.
Interviewer: “Senator McCain, did you tell a conservative group in Ohio yesterday that you are against abortion?”
Senator McCain: “Yes!”
I: “Gay marriage?”
M: “Yes!”
I: “So, when you call yourself a moderate, what exactly does that mean?”
M: “It means I am being moderately truthful.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
I am not a big fan of cartoon movies but put me on the list of those who are going to see “WALL-E.”
Here is a bit from John Anderson’s review of in the Washington Post. “The idea that a company in the business of mainstream entertainment would make something as creative, substantial and cautionary as ‘WALL-E’ has to raise your hopes for humanity.”
On the subject of reviews, here are five critics that you can trust to give you a balanced review – neither too tough nor too easy:
David Ansen – Newsweek
Richard Corliss – Time Magazine
Manohla Dargis – New York Times (started her career at the LA Times)
Stephen Hunter – Washington Post – won a Pulitzer recently for his work
Richard Schickel – Time Magazine – the best of the best, a film historian as well as a critic
And, the absolute worst, which is a high distinction in a field overcrowded with hacks:
Rex Reed
Before we leave the subject of movies, here are the top three on my all-time worst list:
“Tommy”
“Hannibal”
“Shanghai Gesture”
Let’s see. I’m filthy rich and running for public office. My opponent wants the limits on his fund raising so he can more fairly compete with me. The Supreme Court conservatives ruled this week that to do so would violate the First Amendment by limiting my free speech. Go figure??
This strip is called POLITICS - I launch it with an exclusive interview with John McCain.
Interviewer: “Senator McCain, did you tell a conservative group in Ohio yesterday that you are against abortion?”
Senator McCain: “Yes!”
I: “Gay marriage?”
M: “Yes!”
I: “So, when you call yourself a moderate, what exactly does that mean?”
M: “It means I am being moderately truthful.”
Friday, June 27, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/27/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Happy Birthday granddaughter!
I’ll give $1,000 to make my Los Angeles safer. I’ll write the check today.
I wrote the above as the lead for a piece in the Los Angeles Daily News 17 years ago and, as was brought home at a neighborhood meeting that I attended Wednesday evening, little if anything has changed. Those attending expressed concerns about local increases in burglary, robbery, drugs, loitering and graffiti. The police officer urged us to be vigilant and to call and report any suspicious activity. But she could not promise a rapid response unless a crime was being committed. “We are just spread too thin,” she said.
And they are. Los Angeles has 25 police officers per 10,000 residents. New York and Chicago have 40 per 10,000. That is a huge difference, made even more so, by the way our city is so spread out.
Several people were frustrated and upset by the officer’s answer. And on one hand they had a right to be. The primary function of government is to ensure the safety of its citizens. On the other hand, unless they are willing to vote an increase in their taxes, they should stifle their complaints. Security, like most everything else of value, cannot be bought on the cheap.
As I was writing this, a news bulletin reported that the Supreme Court had just ruled in favor of the right to own guns – but not the absolute right thank goodness. While I still strongly believe that we would be better off without that right, I can see why some people look to guns as a way of protecting themselves. However, more cops are a much better way to safety than more guns.
THE SHRINK
Shrink: "Robert, you seem agitated today."
Robert: "Home or highway, I don’t feel safe anymore."
Shrink: "What can you do about that?"
Robert: "Cops! I demand more cops!"
Shrink: "That’s a good idea."
Shrink: "But you know that it is going to mean higher taxes to pay for them."
Robert: "Volunteer cops! I demand more volunteer cops!"
Happy Birthday granddaughter!
I’ll give $1,000 to make my Los Angeles safer. I’ll write the check today.
I wrote the above as the lead for a piece in the Los Angeles Daily News 17 years ago and, as was brought home at a neighborhood meeting that I attended Wednesday evening, little if anything has changed. Those attending expressed concerns about local increases in burglary, robbery, drugs, loitering and graffiti. The police officer urged us to be vigilant and to call and report any suspicious activity. But she could not promise a rapid response unless a crime was being committed. “We are just spread too thin,” she said.
And they are. Los Angeles has 25 police officers per 10,000 residents. New York and Chicago have 40 per 10,000. That is a huge difference, made even more so, by the way our city is so spread out.
Several people were frustrated and upset by the officer’s answer. And on one hand they had a right to be. The primary function of government is to ensure the safety of its citizens. On the other hand, unless they are willing to vote an increase in their taxes, they should stifle their complaints. Security, like most everything else of value, cannot be bought on the cheap.
As I was writing this, a news bulletin reported that the Supreme Court had just ruled in favor of the right to own guns – but not the absolute right thank goodness. While I still strongly believe that we would be better off without that right, I can see why some people look to guns as a way of protecting themselves. However, more cops are a much better way to safety than more guns.
THE SHRINK
Shrink: "Robert, you seem agitated today."
Robert: "Home or highway, I don’t feel safe anymore."
Shrink: "What can you do about that?"
Robert: "Cops! I demand more cops!"
Shrink: "That’s a good idea."
Shrink: "But you know that it is going to mean higher taxes to pay for them."
Robert: "Volunteer cops! I demand more volunteer cops!"
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/26/08
PAT BUCHANAN
Nobody Asked Me But:
This is another one of my cartoon strips without pictures. What this makes me is original/creative/gutsy/funny/dumb. You choose!
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Pat Buchanan has a new book out.”
JH: “Yeah, I saw it. He claims that Hitler was unappreciated and misunderstood.”
JT: “Tough to misunderstand gas chambers and ovens.”
JT: “All Buchanan’s new book proves is that I was right.
JT: He’s a shape shifter.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “Every time he opens his mouth he makes an ass out of himself!”
JH: “You’re exaggerating.”
JT: “Not really, check it out.”
JT: “According to Buchanan,
JT: Hitler wanted to make nice with England,
JT: And divide up the world between them.”
JH: “What about the United States?”
JT: “Let’s just say that Buchanan dreams of the day,
JT: When he will stop being Irish Pat
JT: And start being Mine Furher.”
“Churchill, Hitler and the Unnecessary War” Patrick J. Buchanan, Random House Price: $29.95
Nobody Asked Me But:
This is another one of my cartoon strips without pictures. What this makes me is original/creative/gutsy/funny/dumb. You choose!
Jim AND Jim
JT: “Pat Buchanan has a new book out.”
JH: “Yeah, I saw it. He claims that Hitler was unappreciated and misunderstood.”
JT: “Tough to misunderstand gas chambers and ovens.”
JT: “All Buchanan’s new book proves is that I was right.
JT: He’s a shape shifter.”
JH: “What do you mean?”
JT: “Every time he opens his mouth he makes an ass out of himself!”
JH: “You’re exaggerating.”
JT: “Not really, check it out.”
JT: “According to Buchanan,
JT: Hitler wanted to make nice with England,
JT: And divide up the world between them.”
JH: “What about the United States?”
JT: “Let’s just say that Buchanan dreams of the day,
JT: When he will stop being Irish Pat
JT: And start being Mine Furher.”
“Churchill, Hitler and the Unnecessary War” Patrick J. Buchanan, Random House Price: $29.95
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/25/08
G. W. BUSH AND E. HOWARD HUNT
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Two years ago, President Bush declared that America was ‘addicted to oil,’ and, by gosh, he was going to do something about it. Well, now he has. Now we have the new Bush energy plan: (drill up the coastline and) ‘Get more addicted to oil.’” Thomas Friedman
THE SHRINK: A cartoon strip without pictures.
The S. - Your life seems filled with danger.
CIA Guy – I laugh at danger!
The S. – You could be killed at any minute.
CIA Guy – I laugh at death!
The S. So what do you want from me?
CIA Guy – Help me to stop laughing!
The past few days I have been doing a (very) late spring cleaning of my computer and I discovered a 2004 interview in Slate Magazine with “Mr. Watergate,” E. Howard Hunt – THAT I SAVED AND NEVER READ. I am sure that none of you have had that experience.
Anyway, I read it and once again I wondered: Are honesty and morality in foreign policy simply foolish dreams – even in America? In the interview, Hunt talked about his CIA role in sparking a mid-1950s coup in Guatemala that deposed democratically elected President Jacobo Arbenz. Then, in the 60s, he claims to have played a significant part in the Bay of Pigs fiasco and later set Che up to be killed in Bolivia. And we all know what happened in the 1972 after Hunt had left the CIA – but that’s another story.
Perhaps the best summary of the attitude of Hunt and his CIA superiors can be seen in his answer below:
Slate: Some 200,000 civilians were killed in the civil war (Guatemala) following the coup, which lasted for the next 40 years. Were all those deaths unforeseen?
Hunt: Deaths? What deaths?
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Two years ago, President Bush declared that America was ‘addicted to oil,’ and, by gosh, he was going to do something about it. Well, now he has. Now we have the new Bush energy plan: (drill up the coastline and) ‘Get more addicted to oil.’” Thomas Friedman
THE SHRINK: A cartoon strip without pictures.
The S. - Your life seems filled with danger.
CIA Guy – I laugh at danger!
The S. – You could be killed at any minute.
CIA Guy – I laugh at death!
The S. So what do you want from me?
CIA Guy – Help me to stop laughing!
The past few days I have been doing a (very) late spring cleaning of my computer and I discovered a 2004 interview in Slate Magazine with “Mr. Watergate,” E. Howard Hunt – THAT I SAVED AND NEVER READ. I am sure that none of you have had that experience.
Anyway, I read it and once again I wondered: Are honesty and morality in foreign policy simply foolish dreams – even in America? In the interview, Hunt talked about his CIA role in sparking a mid-1950s coup in Guatemala that deposed democratically elected President Jacobo Arbenz. Then, in the 60s, he claims to have played a significant part in the Bay of Pigs fiasco and later set Che up to be killed in Bolivia. And we all know what happened in the 1972 after Hunt had left the CIA – but that’s another story.
Perhaps the best summary of the attitude of Hunt and his CIA superiors can be seen in his answer below:
Slate: Some 200,000 civilians were killed in the civil war (Guatemala) following the coup, which lasted for the next 40 years. Were all those deaths unforeseen?
Hunt: Deaths? What deaths?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/24/08
LET GO OF IT ALL
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Let go of it all and see where it takes you.” James Kavanaugh
Many years ago, at a party, I found myself talking with a close friend and a friend of hers just in from Washington D.C. Both women were hugely ambitious and seemingly just a little uneasy with it. I, on the other hand, had just read the Kavanaugh poem below and was under its spell. I talked with them about “letting go of it all,” the plans and ambitions, the security and conquests, the high mountains and deep holes. I talked to them about finding oneself in laughter and peace - and in ultimate truth of the moment. I talked to them as if I had bought into Kavanaugh’s dream, because I had.
I think that they bought it too, but only for the moment. I am sure that as they returned to the demands of the party and, in the days after, to the demands of success, the moment faded. I know it did and does for me. But I hope they remembered our conversation, as I do, and found, as I have, a few moments in the days and years since when they could let it all go and be at one with themselves and with the world.
LET GO OF IT ALL
By James KAVANOUGH
Let go of it all and see where it takes you.
Let the money slide away and the tense young men
who talk of security and conquests.
Let the cars whiz by, the square jaws and too bright eyes.
stumble and fall and lie prone upon the earth
until you taste the dirt again and make friends with the fog.
Toss your plans aboard the first wind heading north
and your ambitions on a breeze heading south.
Let it all descend upon you like lava and sunshine
and let the clouds guide you as they will.
There is no mountain high enough to climb with
final satisfaction,
no hole deep enough to dig, no ocean vast enough to cross.
There is only laughter and peace and the present moment,
your breath in unison with the throbbing earth,
your flight as aimless and transient as the birds.
Let it all go and wash you like the rain,
Let it all go and buffet you like the wind,
Let it all go and see where it takes you
until you are one with the earth and all its
inhabitants.
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Let go of it all and see where it takes you.” James Kavanaugh
Many years ago, at a party, I found myself talking with a close friend and a friend of hers just in from Washington D.C. Both women were hugely ambitious and seemingly just a little uneasy with it. I, on the other hand, had just read the Kavanaugh poem below and was under its spell. I talked with them about “letting go of it all,” the plans and ambitions, the security and conquests, the high mountains and deep holes. I talked to them about finding oneself in laughter and peace - and in ultimate truth of the moment. I talked to them as if I had bought into Kavanaugh’s dream, because I had.
I think that they bought it too, but only for the moment. I am sure that as they returned to the demands of the party and, in the days after, to the demands of success, the moment faded. I know it did and does for me. But I hope they remembered our conversation, as I do, and found, as I have, a few moments in the days and years since when they could let it all go and be at one with themselves and with the world.
LET GO OF IT ALL
By James KAVANOUGH
Let go of it all and see where it takes you.
Let the money slide away and the tense young men
who talk of security and conquests.
Let the cars whiz by, the square jaws and too bright eyes.
stumble and fall and lie prone upon the earth
until you taste the dirt again and make friends with the fog.
Toss your plans aboard the first wind heading north
and your ambitions on a breeze heading south.
Let it all descend upon you like lava and sunshine
and let the clouds guide you as they will.
There is no mountain high enough to climb with
final satisfaction,
no hole deep enough to dig, no ocean vast enough to cross.
There is only laughter and peace and the present moment,
your breath in unison with the throbbing earth,
your flight as aimless and transient as the birds.
Let it all go and wash you like the rain,
Let it all go and buffet you like the wind,
Let it all go and see where it takes you
until you are one with the earth and all its
inhabitants.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/23/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Sunday my wife and I walked into Du-par’s and picked up a menu from the pile lying there. This is a little of what we saw:
SOUPS
Split Pea .15
SANDWICHES
American cheese .15
Swiss cheese .20
Bacon and tomato .30
Hamburger sandwich (lettuce,
pickle, special dressing on a
toasted bun) .20
Cheeseburger .25
SALADS
Chef’s salad bowl .35
Cottage cheese .20
Pineapple and cottage cheese .30
(All orders of salad served with
English walnut bread and butter)
OUR SPECIALTIES
Chicken pie .35
Hamburger steak (potatoes and
toasted roll) .50
BREAKFAST
Hotcakes (with bacon or
sausage) .40
Ham and two fresh eggs,
potatoes and toast .55
Bacon or sausage and two
fresh eggs, potatoes and toast .50
Buttered toast and jelly .10
DU-PAR’S FAMOUS PIES
Fresh green apple .15
Fresh boysenberry .15
Old fashioned lemon .15
Northwestern wild blackberry .20
(Ala mode or whipped cream .05)
Gill’s old fashioned ice cream .10
BEVERAGES
Manning’s delicious hot coffee .05
Manning’s blue label tea .10
Pot of Postum .10
Orange juice .10
Iced Coca Cola or root beer .10
We tried to quickly get seated before they changed their mind, but then we read the small print.
1938 menu for Du-par’s Farmhouse at the Farmer’s Market (Gladstone 7773)
Sunday my wife and I walked into Du-par’s and picked up a menu from the pile lying there. This is a little of what we saw:
SOUPS
Split Pea .15
SANDWICHES
American cheese .15
Swiss cheese .20
Bacon and tomato .30
Hamburger sandwich (lettuce,
pickle, special dressing on a
toasted bun) .20
Cheeseburger .25
SALADS
Chef’s salad bowl .35
Cottage cheese .20
Pineapple and cottage cheese .30
(All orders of salad served with
English walnut bread and butter)
OUR SPECIALTIES
Chicken pie .35
Hamburger steak (potatoes and
toasted roll) .50
BREAKFAST
Hotcakes (with bacon or
sausage) .40
Ham and two fresh eggs,
potatoes and toast .55
Bacon or sausage and two
fresh eggs, potatoes and toast .50
Buttered toast and jelly .10
DU-PAR’S FAMOUS PIES
Fresh green apple .15
Fresh boysenberry .15
Old fashioned lemon .15
Northwestern wild blackberry .20
(Ala mode or whipped cream .05)
Gill’s old fashioned ice cream .10
BEVERAGES
Manning’s delicious hot coffee .05
Manning’s blue label tea .10
Pot of Postum .10
Orange juice .10
Iced Coca Cola or root beer .10
We tried to quickly get seated before they changed their mind, but then we read the small print.
1938 menu for Du-par’s Farmhouse at the Farmer’s Market (Gladstone 7773)
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/21/08
SATURDAY POTPOURRI
Nobody Asked Me But:
I recently picked my all-time Laker team, and since the Celtics bombed the purple and gold it is only fair to choose Boston’s all-timers.
And my all-time Celtic team:
PG – Bob Cousy
SG – John Havlicek
C – Bill Russell
SF – Larry Bird
PF – Kevin McHale
First off the bench
Robert Parish
Sam Jones
Robert Crais, who has a new Elvis Cole book coming out next week, has an interesting take on the novel as art. He says that the art and the novel are incomplete until the reader reads it.
Our daily bread is sometimes not so simple, especially if you are like me, are standing in total confusion at Trader Joe’s I just wanted a loaf of plain wheat but before me was Leviticus, 3:19 bread, barley bread, cheddar cheese bread, Swiss cheese bread, cottage cheese bread, wheat bread made without wheat, flourless bread, super flour bread, sea salt bread, sea pepper bread vitamin enriched bread and vitamin deficient bread – to name a few.
Finally I just closed my eyes and grabbed a loaf. I suppose I ended up with flat bread, because it sure tasted flat in our tuna sandwichs.
British historian Simon Schama said it, and I won’t say he is wrong – America’s moral rhetoric is too often a cover for self-interest.
In gasoline-subsidized Egypt, gas is about $1.30 per gallon. That’s cheaper than Blythe. I guess I know where to go for my Sunday fill-up.
Nobody Asked Me But:
I recently picked my all-time Laker team, and since the Celtics bombed the purple and gold it is only fair to choose Boston’s all-timers.
And my all-time Celtic team:
PG – Bob Cousy
SG – John Havlicek
C – Bill Russell
SF – Larry Bird
PF – Kevin McHale
First off the bench
Robert Parish
Sam Jones
Robert Crais, who has a new Elvis Cole book coming out next week, has an interesting take on the novel as art. He says that the art and the novel are incomplete until the reader reads it.
Our daily bread is sometimes not so simple, especially if you are like me, are standing in total confusion at Trader Joe’s I just wanted a loaf of plain wheat but before me was Leviticus, 3:19 bread, barley bread, cheddar cheese bread, Swiss cheese bread, cottage cheese bread, wheat bread made without wheat, flourless bread, super flour bread, sea salt bread, sea pepper bread vitamin enriched bread and vitamin deficient bread – to name a few.
Finally I just closed my eyes and grabbed a loaf. I suppose I ended up with flat bread, because it sure tasted flat in our tuna sandwichs.
British historian Simon Schama said it, and I won’t say he is wrong – America’s moral rhetoric is too often a cover for self-interest.
In gasoline-subsidized Egypt, gas is about $1.30 per gallon. That’s cheaper than Blythe. I guess I know where to go for my Sunday fill-up.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/20/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
OF CHICKENS AND FRUSTRATION
FRUSTRATION FIRST
When I was a boy I loved Robert Louis Stevenson’s “A Child’s Garden of Verses.” I memorized many of them. Here is one of my favorites, which I have always thought misnamed. Stevenson called it “Bed In Summer.” I prefer “A Child’s Frustration,” or just “Frustration.”
IN winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.
I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people’s feet
Still going past me in the street.
And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?
And now for the chickens, or more specifically answers to one of the great philosophical questions of all time – why does a chicken cross the road?
PAT BUCHANAN: “To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.”
BILL CLINTON: “I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?”
GRANDPA Jim: “In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.”
DICK CHENEY: “Where's my gun?”
OF CHICKENS AND FRUSTRATION
FRUSTRATION FIRST
When I was a boy I loved Robert Louis Stevenson’s “A Child’s Garden of Verses.” I memorized many of them. Here is one of my favorites, which I have always thought misnamed. Stevenson called it “Bed In Summer.” I prefer “A Child’s Frustration,” or just “Frustration.”
IN winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.
I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people’s feet
Still going past me in the street.
And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?
And now for the chickens, or more specifically answers to one of the great philosophical questions of all time – why does a chicken cross the road?
PAT BUCHANAN: “To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.”
HILLARY CLINTON: “When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.”
BILL CLINTON: “I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?”
GRANDPA Jim: “In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.”
DICK CHENEY: “Where's my gun?”
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/19/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Old Peculier Crime Writing Festival
Harrogate, England July 17-20
If you are a fan of crime fiction, would this not be a great book festival? The name is so delightful, so --- British.
Returning to my topic of three days ago, education, here are my thoughts on the three attributes of a great and successful teacher. He or she:
1. Is deeply caring about kids,
2. Has passion for what he or she is doing.
3. Has expertise in her or his subject(s).
ON THE LAKERS – YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW
Actually it was the day before yesterday when they were crushed by the Boston Celtics. What happened? They were out-defended, out-shot and, most importantly, out-toughed. Once more the more aggressive team won. The Celtics wanted it more.
However, we should not lose sight of the fact that the Lakers had a near-great year. They are young and, if Andrew Bynam returns whole, the future is theirs. This is not to say they should stand pat. It is time to move the wonderfully talented, woefully inconsistent Lamar Odom. A package of Odom, Luke Walton and Vladimer Radmanovic for an aggressive, highly-skilled, great shooting small forward would help them take the next step. That and:
A COMMITMENT TO PLAYING EXCELLENT DEFENSE!
Old Peculier Crime Writing Festival
Harrogate, England July 17-20
If you are a fan of crime fiction, would this not be a great book festival? The name is so delightful, so --- British.
Returning to my topic of three days ago, education, here are my thoughts on the three attributes of a great and successful teacher. He or she:
1. Is deeply caring about kids,
2. Has passion for what he or she is doing.
3. Has expertise in her or his subject(s).
ON THE LAKERS – YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW
Actually it was the day before yesterday when they were crushed by the Boston Celtics. What happened? They were out-defended, out-shot and, most importantly, out-toughed. Once more the more aggressive team won. The Celtics wanted it more.
However, we should not lose sight of the fact that the Lakers had a near-great year. They are young and, if Andrew Bynam returns whole, the future is theirs. This is not to say they should stand pat. It is time to move the wonderfully talented, woefully inconsistent Lamar Odom. A package of Odom, Luke Walton and Vladimer Radmanovic for an aggressive, highly-skilled, great shooting small forward would help them take the next step. That and:
A COMMITMENT TO PLAYING EXCELLENT DEFENSE!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/18/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
I am not into hero worship, but I am into respect for those I deem worthy. Among sports figures, I find fewer and fewer worthy. One who earns it from me is Tiger Woods. He does not thump his chest after every great, or even good, shot. He does not proclaim his greatness verbally. At some point he must have listened to my mother and grandmother, because he allows his actions to speak louder than his words. His victory Monday in the U. S. Open over the field, over Rocco and over a bad knee was one for the ages.
Here is a great Tiger story (I am sorry, but I do not remember the source):
"The coverage of him often centers upon this question: How did this creature come about? The articles inevitably mention his precocity (at age 3, he shot a 48 on the front nine of a regulation course) and provide examples of his athletic prowess: Once Woods tried out four drivers that Nike was experimenting with and told the lab guys that he preferred the heavier one. The researchers thought the clubs were the same weight, but they measured and Woods was right. The club he’d selected was heavier by the equivalent of two cotton balls."
I am not into hero worship, but I am into respect for those I deem worthy. Among sports figures, I find fewer and fewer worthy. One who earns it from me is Tiger Woods. He does not thump his chest after every great, or even good, shot. He does not proclaim his greatness verbally. At some point he must have listened to my mother and grandmother, because he allows his actions to speak louder than his words. His victory Monday in the U. S. Open over the field, over Rocco and over a bad knee was one for the ages.
Here is a great Tiger story (I am sorry, but I do not remember the source):
"The coverage of him often centers upon this question: How did this creature come about? The articles inevitably mention his precocity (at age 3, he shot a 48 on the front nine of a regulation course) and provide examples of his athletic prowess: Once Woods tried out four drivers that Nike was experimenting with and told the lab guys that he preferred the heavier one. The researchers thought the clubs were the same weight, but they measured and Woods was right. The club he’d selected was heavier by the equivalent of two cotton balls."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/17/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Yesterday was gay wedding day in Los Angeles, and a paraphrase of the traditional ceremony seems to me to be most appropriate:
Whom love has joined together let no initiative measure put asunder.
David Brooks had a very interesting column in The NY Times on June 13 in which he defined the two schools of thought on what is best to do about the problems of public education. Here they are with my comments following.
The status quo camp:
1. Poverty and broad social factors drive high dropout rates and other bad outcomes.
2. Schools alone can’t combat that, so more money should go to health care programs, anti-poverty initiatives and after-school and pre-K programs.
3. When it comes to improving schools, we need to spend more on what we’re already (feebly) trying to do: smaller class sizes, better instruction, better teacher training.
The reformist camp:
1. The greatest need is for rigorous accountability and changing the fundamental structure of school systems.
2. Today’s school systems aren’t broken, the reformers argue. They were designed to meet the needs of teachers and adults first, and that’s exactly what they are doing. It’s time, though, to put the interests of students first.
3. Change the structure of the system, not just spend more on the same old things.
4. Tough decisions have to be made about who belongs in the classroom and who doesn’t.
5. Parents have to be given more control over education through public charter schools.
6. Teacher contracts and state policies that keep ineffective teachers in the classroom need to be revised.
7. Accountability has to be rigorous and relentless.
I think that the truth is somewhere in between:
1. Spend more money. Quality does not come at bargain prices.
2. Break the power of teacher unions, district administrators and the politicians who have opinions about education, but no expertise.
3. Get rid of bad teachers and administrators, keep the good ones and reward the excellent ones.
4. Emphasize accountability but not solely or even mainly evaluated by standardized tests for this is the way to destroy creativity.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/16/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Senator John McCain on the Supreme Court’s recent Guantanamo decision: “These are unlawful combatants.” Ah, Senator, don’t you mean ACCUSED unlawful combatants? Or in your twisted system of justice are they guilty until proven innocent?
McCain then went on to say: “I think is one of the worst decisions in the history of this country.”
Is this grandiose statement by the Senator hyperbole or stupidity? It is certainly the first, but my vote goes for the second.
Today, like McCain, many people want to deny Constitutional rights to the suspected terrorists. Who will it be tomorrow? Jews? Catholics? Muslims? Gays? Immigrants? Women? Me? You?
Senator John McCain on the Supreme Court’s recent Guantanamo decision: “These are unlawful combatants.” Ah, Senator, don’t you mean ACCUSED unlawful combatants? Or in your twisted system of justice are they guilty until proven innocent?
McCain then went on to say: “I think is one of the worst decisions in the history of this country.”
Is this grandiose statement by the Senator hyperbole or stupidity? It is certainly the first, but my vote goes for the second.
Today, like McCain, many people want to deny Constitutional rights to the suspected terrorists. Who will it be tomorrow? Jews? Catholics? Muslims? Gays? Immigrants? Women? Me? You?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/14/08
SATURDAY POTPOURRI
Nobody Asked Me But:
Last night was an incredible experience. There, on stage, were arguably the greatest coach (John Wooden) and the greatest sports announcer (Vin Scully) in history, and I was there watching and listening. 177 years of wisdom and experience (Wooden - 97 and Scully - 80) for me to soak up. Coach, at first seemed a little frail, but once they fixed his microphone and, especially once he got to do his favorite thing – teach, (a 12-year-old boy recovering from cancer how to put on his socks - no wrinkles, and tennis shoes - tighten each section of lace and double tie) he was his old self. Vinny was so good that he gave lie to my concern that because he makes an occasional mistake broadcasting the Dodger games he must be showing his age. T. J. Simmers asked great questions as they talked and laughed about life and love. It was wonderful!
Sad but Swampland true - "On the night of the Pennsylvania primary, Bill was eagerly checking to see who had swayed more voters — him or Hillary."
There have been over 100 people sentenced to death row who were later found to be innocent. Can we morally tolerate that?
In his blog, Louisiana’s Governor Bobby Jindal, who has been mentioned as a potential veep for McCain, talks about witnessing the exorcism of a female friend he identifies only as Susan. Perhaps Mc Cain will choose him and use him to exorcise all national memory of our current president.
From a Times review of “The Incredible Hulk.” “But let’s not get carried away: “The Adequate Hulk” would have been a more suitable title.”
Here is my scoreboard on Boumediene v. Bush, No. 06-1195 – the Guantanamo case:
Justice 5, injustice 4
Fifth amendment 5, imperial; presidency 4
Morality 5, immorality 4
A quote from the majority in the above case - “Liberty and security can be reconciled.”
When it is all said and done about my Lakers, there is no more to be said. They are done!
Post Script: What a great moment – Scully, recalling his barbershop quartet youth, led us all in singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
Last night was an incredible experience. There, on stage, were arguably the greatest coach (John Wooden) and the greatest sports announcer (Vin Scully) in history, and I was there watching and listening. 177 years of wisdom and experience (Wooden - 97 and Scully - 80) for me to soak up. Coach, at first seemed a little frail, but once they fixed his microphone and, especially once he got to do his favorite thing – teach, (a 12-year-old boy recovering from cancer how to put on his socks - no wrinkles, and tennis shoes - tighten each section of lace and double tie) he was his old self. Vinny was so good that he gave lie to my concern that because he makes an occasional mistake broadcasting the Dodger games he must be showing his age. T. J. Simmers asked great questions as they talked and laughed about life and love. It was wonderful!
Sad but Swampland true - "On the night of the Pennsylvania primary, Bill was eagerly checking to see who had swayed more voters — him or Hillary."
There have been over 100 people sentenced to death row who were later found to be innocent. Can we morally tolerate that?
In his blog, Louisiana’s Governor Bobby Jindal, who has been mentioned as a potential veep for McCain, talks about witnessing the exorcism of a female friend he identifies only as Susan. Perhaps Mc Cain will choose him and use him to exorcise all national memory of our current president.
From a Times review of “The Incredible Hulk.” “But let’s not get carried away: “The Adequate Hulk” would have been a more suitable title.”
Here is my scoreboard on Boumediene v. Bush, No. 06-1195 – the Guantanamo case:
Justice 5, injustice 4
Fifth amendment 5, imperial; presidency 4
Morality 5, immorality 4
A quote from the majority in the above case - “Liberty and security can be reconciled.”
When it is all said and done about my Lakers, there is no more to be said. They are done!
Post Script: What a great moment – Scully, recalling his barbershop quartet youth, led us all in singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.”
Friday, June 13, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/12
WHAT BARRACK FACES
Nobody Asked Me But:
I think that I first heard this story, and yes, it may be apocryphal, from Bill Cosby at Whisky A Go Go many years ago.
A black astronaut lands on Mars. He was greeted by a creature with 20 legs, 10 arms covered with tentacles and a huge eye that covered 70% of his body. The astronaut, not being able to figure out which hand to shake, simply extended his arm. The Martian ignored it and said, “You’re not marrying my daughter either!”
If you could peer into the heart of the too-many racists that still live in the United States you would find the same ugliness and fear. Obama won’t convert them, but he can win despite them. And he will not be the only victor.
Any setback for the haters is a win for America.
Nobody Asked Me But:
I think that I first heard this story, and yes, it may be apocryphal, from Bill Cosby at Whisky A Go Go many years ago.
A black astronaut lands on Mars. He was greeted by a creature with 20 legs, 10 arms covered with tentacles and a huge eye that covered 70% of his body. The astronaut, not being able to figure out which hand to shake, simply extended his arm. The Martian ignored it and said, “You’re not marrying my daughter either!”
If you could peer into the heart of the too-many racists that still live in the United States you would find the same ugliness and fear. Obama won’t convert them, but he can win despite them. And he will not be the only victor.
Any setback for the haters is a win for America.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/12/08
TWO SUBJECTS
Nobody Asked Me But:
It’s my trash, damn it! So why is it that the trash God has ruled that once I place my trash container in the street, next to the curb, it becomes public property. And I mean public. Any Tom, Dick or Harriet is free to poke amongst my refuge for a piece of garbage or bank account number.
I don’t really begrudge the bite for the hungry, and I carefully destroy personal information, but it is the principle of the thing. Once the city picks it up, I cheerfully relinquish ownership, but as long as it sits in front of our house, it’s my trash, damn it!
Our soon-to-be ex-president gave an interesting interview last week to the London Times. For the first time, he seemed to express some small regret for the way he handled the decision to go to war with Iraq. “I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.”
It doesn’t take much imagination to hear his hidden message. “I should not have listened so closely to Dick Cheney.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
It’s my trash, damn it! So why is it that the trash God has ruled that once I place my trash container in the street, next to the curb, it becomes public property. And I mean public. Any Tom, Dick or Harriet is free to poke amongst my refuge for a piece of garbage or bank account number.
I don’t really begrudge the bite for the hungry, and I carefully destroy personal information, but it is the principle of the thing. Once the city picks it up, I cheerfully relinquish ownership, but as long as it sits in front of our house, it’s my trash, damn it!
Our soon-to-be ex-president gave an interesting interview last week to the London Times. For the first time, he seemed to express some small regret for the way he handled the decision to go to war with Iraq. “I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.”
It doesn’t take much imagination to hear his hidden message. “I should not have listened so closely to Dick Cheney.”
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/11/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 600th home run Monday night. That places him at number 6 in career home runs. And there could have been so many more. Had he not suffered numerous injuries, most caused by his “take no prisoners,” “leave-it-all-on-the- field” style of play, he would have left both Babe and the Bonds far in his wake.
A look at statistics will prove my point. Griffey, in his career, has averaged 40 home runs a season. That figure includes the injury years when his output was significantly less. If you do nothing more than credit him with his 40 home run average and he would be at 800 now, and he would almost certainly have exceeded his average several times during those years when he was forced to be a part time player. The injuries were who he was, but it is a shame that they cost him so much.
In my opinion, Griffey Jr., when he was younger and whole, was the best player in baseball since the “Say Hey Kid” roamed center field first at the Polo Grounds and later at Candlestick.
Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 600th home run Monday night. That places him at number 6 in career home runs. And there could have been so many more. Had he not suffered numerous injuries, most caused by his “take no prisoners,” “leave-it-all-on-the- field” style of play, he would have left both Babe and the Bonds far in his wake.
A look at statistics will prove my point. Griffey, in his career, has averaged 40 home runs a season. That figure includes the injury years when his output was significantly less. If you do nothing more than credit him with his 40 home run average and he would be at 800 now, and he would almost certainly have exceeded his average several times during those years when he was forced to be a part time player. The injuries were who he was, but it is a shame that they cost him so much.
In my opinion, Griffey Jr., when he was younger and whole, was the best player in baseball since the “Say Hey Kid” roamed center field first at the Polo Grounds and later at Candlestick.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/10/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
MOVIE COMEDIES
To be fair movie comedies must be divided into two categories – straight and romantic. I measure straight comedies by laugh-out-louds, while romantic comedies make me laugh sometimes, smile a lot and usually have a moment or two when my heart warms and I glow all over.
An example from each category: I have seen “Young Frankenstein” a dozen or more times so I know what the laugh lines are and when they are coming, and still I laugh. I have seen “Sleepless In Seattle” almost as many times and every time that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan finally get together on top of the Empire State Building I feel warm fuzzies.
So here are my favorites in each category:
COMEDIES
1. “Young Frankenstein”
2. “Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb”
3. “Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein”
4. “M*A*S*H*”
5. “Bananas”
Runners up – in no particular order: “A Night At The Opera,” “What’s Up Doc?,” “The Captain’s Paradise,” “National Lampoon’s Vacation.”
ROMANTIC COMEDIES
1. “It Happened One Night”
2. The Woody Allen trilogy – “Anne Hall,” “Manhattan,” “Hannah And Her Sisters”
3. “Adam’s Rib”
4. “Sleepless In Seattle”
5. “Lost In Translation”
Runners up – in no particular order: “When Harry Met Sally,” “As Good As It Gets,” “My Favorite Wife.”
MOVIE COMEDIES
To be fair movie comedies must be divided into two categories – straight and romantic. I measure straight comedies by laugh-out-louds, while romantic comedies make me laugh sometimes, smile a lot and usually have a moment or two when my heart warms and I glow all over.
An example from each category: I have seen “Young Frankenstein” a dozen or more times so I know what the laugh lines are and when they are coming, and still I laugh. I have seen “Sleepless In Seattle” almost as many times and every time that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan finally get together on top of the Empire State Building I feel warm fuzzies.
So here are my favorites in each category:
COMEDIES
1. “Young Frankenstein”
2. “Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb”
3. “Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein”
4. “M*A*S*H*”
5. “Bananas”
Runners up – in no particular order: “A Night At The Opera,” “What’s Up Doc?,” “The Captain’s Paradise,” “National Lampoon’s Vacation.”
ROMANTIC COMEDIES
1. “It Happened One Night”
2. The Woody Allen trilogy – “Anne Hall,” “Manhattan,” “Hannah And Her Sisters”
3. “Adam’s Rib”
4. “Sleepless In Seattle”
5. “Lost In Translation”
Runners up – in no particular order: “When Harry Met Sally,” “As Good As It Gets,” “My Favorite Wife.”
Monday, June 9, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/7/0
Nobody Asked Me But:
WE CAN TRULY PROGRESS TOWARDS BEING CIVILIZED WHEN:
Brain directs brawn.
Children are persons to love, not objects to be exploited.
Someone who produces Hillary shaped nutcrackers goes broke.
Men stop being afraid of women.
White men stop being afraid of black men.
Courtesy once more becomes the coin of the realm.
Violence is more of a taboo than is sex.
People are secure enough in their free speech that they don’t have to be vulgar in public.
We become better listeners.
WE CAN TRULY PROGRESS TOWARDS BEING CIVILIZED WHEN:
Brain directs brawn.
Children are persons to love, not objects to be exploited.
Someone who produces Hillary shaped nutcrackers goes broke.
Men stop being afraid of women.
White men stop being afraid of black men.
Courtesy once more becomes the coin of the realm.
Violence is more of a taboo than is sex.
People are secure enough in their free speech that they don’t have to be vulgar in public.
We become better listeners.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/7/08
SATURDAY POTPOURRI
Nobody Asked Me But:
Yes, I think Paul Pierce was faking it Thursday.
Memo to Barack Obama: When you become president next January be sure to keep Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates in his current position. He is pretty impressive – for a Republican.
TO TELL THE TRUTH – will the real John McCain please step forward?
Is it:
This one – “In an interview about his views on the limits of executive power with The Boston Globe six months ago, Mr. McCain strongly suggested that if he became the next commander in chief, he would consider himself obligated to obey a statute restricting what he did in national security matters.”
Or
This one – Earlier this past week a key McCain advisor, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said his candidate believed that the Constitution gave Mr. Bush the power to authorize the National Security Agency to monitor Americans’ international phone calls and e-mail without warrants, despite a 1978 federal statute that required court oversight of surveillance.
Israel and the Palestinians - according to Zohan’s mother: "They've been fighting for 2,000 years, it can't be much longer."
FYI - For every 100,000 people in the U.S., 737 are in prison. The only other major country with more than 350 is Russia with 613.
Now tell me there are not several screws loose in our laws, our system of justice and our society.
I wrote the following 12 years ago in my third Nobody. I still strongly believe it to be true.
There still needs to be some kind of limit placed on the right of defense lawyers to introduce implausible theories for the sole purpose of confusing jurors and, thereby, introducing a "reasonable" doubt. Yes, they need to give their client the best possible defense, but they, too, should be sworn to seek justice!!!
Nobody Asked Me But:
Yes, I think Paul Pierce was faking it Thursday.
Memo to Barack Obama: When you become president next January be sure to keep Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates in his current position. He is pretty impressive – for a Republican.
TO TELL THE TRUTH – will the real John McCain please step forward?
Is it:
This one – “In an interview about his views on the limits of executive power with The Boston Globe six months ago, Mr. McCain strongly suggested that if he became the next commander in chief, he would consider himself obligated to obey a statute restricting what he did in national security matters.”
Or
This one – Earlier this past week a key McCain advisor, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said his candidate believed that the Constitution gave Mr. Bush the power to authorize the National Security Agency to monitor Americans’ international phone calls and e-mail without warrants, despite a 1978 federal statute that required court oversight of surveillance.
Israel and the Palestinians - according to Zohan’s mother: "They've been fighting for 2,000 years, it can't be much longer."
FYI - For every 100,000 people in the U.S., 737 are in prison. The only other major country with more than 350 is Russia with 613.
Now tell me there are not several screws loose in our laws, our system of justice and our society.
I wrote the following 12 years ago in my third Nobody. I still strongly believe it to be true.
There still needs to be some kind of limit placed on the right of defense lawyers to introduce implausible theories for the sole purpose of confusing jurors and, thereby, introducing a "reasonable" doubt. Yes, they need to give their client the best possible defense, but they, too, should be sworn to seek justice!!!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/6/08
“Americans are gun-crazed, violent rednecks…” Stephen Hunter, in his Washington Post review today of “Zohan.”
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Naughty bits?”
Those planning to ride in the first Tucson World Naked Bike Ride have been warned that if they expose their “naughty bits” - genitals, or anus (men and women) nipple or areola (women) they will be subject to arrest. And isn’t that like my former home – keep your powder dry and your body covered?
Seriously. Republican legislatures want to allow teachers, students and you and I on the street to carry as long as we are clothed. But I suppose that it makes sense in a perverted sort of way. How can you tote a concealed weapon while wearing only your birthday suit?
And isn’t the whole thing characteristic of our Puritan heritage? Violence, YES! Sex, NO!
Nobody Asked Me But:
“Naughty bits?”
Those planning to ride in the first Tucson World Naked Bike Ride have been warned that if they expose their “naughty bits” - genitals, or anus (men and women) nipple or areola (women) they will be subject to arrest. And isn’t that like my former home – keep your powder dry and your body covered?
Seriously. Republican legislatures want to allow teachers, students and you and I on the street to carry as long as we are clothed. But I suppose that it makes sense in a perverted sort of way. How can you tote a concealed weapon while wearing only your birthday suit?
And isn’t the whole thing characteristic of our Puritan heritage? Violence, YES! Sex, NO!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/5/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
My definition of excellence for a book is that it holds my interest while making me think and feel. Richard Russo’s “Bridge Of Sighs” qualifies on all three accounts.
The novel’s two main characters are word pictures of contrasting ways to live. One is almost always good and kind. The other is on occasion a bastard. One takes risks and follows impulses. The other has no desire to do so. One challenges the real world. The other builds a fantasy world where love and kindness always triumph, or at least should.
I liked both of these men, but I liked the risk-taker far more. That’s why the book made me feel uneasy. I used to be a risk-taker – and a pretty nice guy too. But as my years pile up, I have mostly settled on being, and please forgive my lack of modesty here, the nice guy.
Don’t misunderstand. I like my life. I like who I am. But I would like both better if I took a few more chances. It is not easy, especially as one gets older and the list of risk possibilities gets shorter. But it is possible. I can still wrap one arm around all that I hold dear and with the other reach for some star upon which I have wished.
So this is why “Bridge Of Sighs” was an excellent book. It reminded me of who I am – and who I want to be.
My definition of excellence for a book is that it holds my interest while making me think and feel. Richard Russo’s “Bridge Of Sighs” qualifies on all three accounts.
The novel’s two main characters are word pictures of contrasting ways to live. One is almost always good and kind. The other is on occasion a bastard. One takes risks and follows impulses. The other has no desire to do so. One challenges the real world. The other builds a fantasy world where love and kindness always triumph, or at least should.
I liked both of these men, but I liked the risk-taker far more. That’s why the book made me feel uneasy. I used to be a risk-taker – and a pretty nice guy too. But as my years pile up, I have mostly settled on being, and please forgive my lack of modesty here, the nice guy.
Don’t misunderstand. I like my life. I like who I am. But I would like both better if I took a few more chances. It is not easy, especially as one gets older and the list of risk possibilities gets shorter. But it is possible. I can still wrap one arm around all that I hold dear and with the other reach for some star upon which I have wished.
So this is why “Bridge Of Sighs” was an excellent book. It reminded me of who I am – and who I want to be.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/4/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
“A gaffe is an accidental disclosure of a political truth.” Michael Kinsley
VOTING FOR VEEP
Here are my reasons for being Hillary ambivalent.
Positives:
I would be thrilled to see the U. S. voters break both barriers, color and sex, simultaneously.
I think H could be a great VP.
Negatives:
She could be a headache for Obama if she tried to overshadow him, which, given her intense ambition, is a strong possibility, perhaps even a probability.
She also would bring “Bill baggage,” another problem that Barack doesn't need.
My anger about her campaign choices runs deep. Stupid lies and white pandering should not be rewarded.
Bottom line:
Of course I will vote for an Obama/Clinton ticket, but I hope he chooses someone else.
“A gaffe is an accidental disclosure of a political truth.” Michael Kinsley
VOTING FOR VEEP
Here are my reasons for being Hillary ambivalent.
Positives:
I would be thrilled to see the U. S. voters break both barriers, color and sex, simultaneously.
I think H could be a great VP.
Negatives:
She could be a headache for Obama if she tried to overshadow him, which, given her intense ambition, is a strong possibility, perhaps even a probability.
She also would bring “Bill baggage,” another problem that Barack doesn't need.
My anger about her campaign choices runs deep. Stupid lies and white pandering should not be rewarded.
Bottom line:
Of course I will vote for an Obama/Clinton ticket, but I hope he chooses someone else.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Nobody Daily – 6/3/08
Nobody Asked Me But:
Recipe for success:
Take one bite of Coldstone sweet cream with raspberries mixed in.
Take a second along with a sip of Starbucks black.
Repeat the formula until your ice cream cup is empty.
Cry.
More food news
I bought the book “Hamburger America” a couple of days ago mostly because the great pictures made me hungry. In case you are interested, California leads all states with nine recommended hamburger stops. Texas was runner-up with eight. Of course, Apple Pan was on the list. The book would be a farce without it. Also there was Pie ”N Burger in Pasadena, which brings up a bit of controversy. My wife and I agree that it belongs, BUT she rates it as equal with Apple Pan. Following Coach Wooden’s advice to disagree without being disagreeable, I just sadly shake my head.
And talk about food fate.
Three weeks ago, while returning from Carmel, we stopped at La Super Rica for a Mexican feast. Another couple from Florida was eating there for the first time. They asked us what we liked and during the conversation mentioned a hamburger spot they discovered and loved in Ocean Beach called HODAD’S. Sure enough, it is listed in “Hamburger America.” I guess we will have to make a San Diego trip soon.
Recipe for success:
Take one bite of Coldstone sweet cream with raspberries mixed in.
Take a second along with a sip of Starbucks black.
Repeat the formula until your ice cream cup is empty.
Cry.
More food news
I bought the book “Hamburger America” a couple of days ago mostly because the great pictures made me hungry. In case you are interested, California leads all states with nine recommended hamburger stops. Texas was runner-up with eight. Of course, Apple Pan was on the list. The book would be a farce without it. Also there was Pie ”N Burger in Pasadena, which brings up a bit of controversy. My wife and I agree that it belongs, BUT she rates it as equal with Apple Pan. Following Coach Wooden’s advice to disagree without being disagreeable, I just sadly shake my head.
And talk about food fate.
Three weeks ago, while returning from Carmel, we stopped at La Super Rica for a Mexican feast. Another couple from Florida was eating there for the first time. They asked us what we liked and during the conversation mentioned a hamburger spot they discovered and loved in Ocean Beach called HODAD’S. Sure enough, it is listed in “Hamburger America.” I guess we will have to make a San Diego trip soon.
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